Imagine Whirled Peas...

Yes, it's the Religion of Peas update. Featuring our award winning propoganda gathered by our vast army of paid informants and those who fear the Emperor's diabolical retribution. Maestro, drumroll please!!

The Gandhi of Iraq, Muqtada al-Sadr, claims to have beaten back an assault by Imperial Stormtroopers. Showing his intimate knowledge of the philosophy of ahimsa, and peering over a tattered and obviously much read copy of Thoreau's On Civil Disobedience, al-Sadr quoted the Rev. Martin Luther King as he told a reporter from the Mideast chapter of the SCLC's daily publication, Al Jazeera:

If we are forced to defend our cities, we will resort to martyrdom operations and we will be human time bombs which would explode in their faces

That publication has also just been named one of the 100 most influential people of the year by Time magazine. We concur. They influence a lot people to kill, maim, and generally resist cultural forces that would like to drag people into--no not the 21st century, we'd settle for the 19th.

And speaking of non-violence, Allah, lord of moons, asks John Kerry to imagine whirled peas. Note to Senator Phil A Buster: there's a gay photoshop request and then there's an all the way gay photoshop request!

From the official organ of the Kingdom comes news that:

God has promised wrath, damnation, painful torture and an eternity burning in hell for those who deliberately kill a Muslim... Unjustly killing a Muslim is the gravest crime and cannot be atoned for.

Now, Jews and Americans, well that's another story alltogether!

Our allies in the Zionist Entity have finally done what my students have been dreaming of for years, the IDF got a .44 and they shot this dude to the floor now he don't teach no more!

According to Palestinian sources, the man killed was Dr. Yasser Abu Laman, a professor in the American University in Jenin.

Glory glory hallalujah, teacher hit me with a ruler....

And speaking of the ZOG, Abd Al-Wahhab 'Adas, deputy editor of the Egyptian government daily Al-Gumhouriyya went on record trying to dispell the myth that Jawa society is full of a bunch of racist, backward, and paranoid idiots, when he claimed:

"If you want to know the real perpetrator of every disaster or every act of terrorism, look for the Zionist Jews. They are behind all the violent and terror operations that have occurred everywhere in the world. [They do this] first of all in order to slap [the label of the attacks] on the Arabs and Muslims, and second to harm them, distort their image, and represent them to the world as terrorists who endanger innocents. What is even more dangerous is that after every terror operation they perpetrate, they leave a sign, clue, or traces meant to show that the perpetrators are Arab Muslims.

What was that about Bush=Hitler again?

In good news Frida Ghitis has seen the enemy, and they is us! She notes that:

The No. 1 enemy of Islamic radicals is modernity. Anything that moves society forward, away from their understanding of what life was like in seventh century Arabia, where Islam was born, is a threat.

For her bravery in the face of a sure-fire fatwa getting laid on her rear, we bestow the title of honorary Sith Master on madame Ghitis. May the dark-side of the force be with you.

Hindus were right! Apparently, reincarnation is a metaphysical fact as proved by this editorial commentary in Al Jazeera:

A specter haunts the world, and that specter is Islam.

Marx is back, and this time it's personal!

It seems that the Tusken Raiders are already planning to spin this years election as another 'Spanish' style referendum, or so the Commissar seems to think. And how will the American public be held captive to the demands of the Islamojawafascists? "Meet our demands, or we'll release peanut butter on you!" Note to Commissar: Yeah, but what are the contingency plans should Ralph Nader pull a victory? Those who fail to plan, plan to fail....

Can somebody please tell me why these guys don't have their own state? Are we still worrying about pissing off a certain un-named NATO ally that refused to give our troops passage through their ungrateful sorry pathetic excuse of a country?

Twenty members of the Ansar al-Islam extremist Islamic group who were allegedly planning attacks against US-led coalition forces have been arrested in northern Iraq, a Kurdish official said Thursday.

Last, but not least, if Pat Tillman's death does not get at least equal time with the Michael Jackson indictment on the tube today...I swear I'm going to freaking blow up my TV! Pat Tillman, you are a true American hero. In an age where being infamous is mistaken for deserved fame, you were one of the humble spirits. Your example reminds us of the goodness of an age gone by. You are the Jimmy Stewart of our time. You left fame and glory behind, without fanfare, to serve your country when it needed you most. May your sacrifice not be in vain. Rest in Peace.

VDH on lies, damn lies, and the left

VDH rebutts some common myths in his column. Read the whole thing, it's brilliant. Here are his myths that he refutes, along with my take:

Myth #1: America turned off its allies.
This one pisses me off because it assumes that international affairs are about discourse rather than interests. This is what I call the alchemy theory of international relations. The theory is that somehow, if we had just said the right thing, the entire world would have backed our efforts in Iraq. Say the magic words, and somehow the interests of nations change from lead to gold. Abra-cadabra-ali-ali-oxen-mus, France all your foreign policies are belong to us!

Myth #2: Democracy cannot be implemented by force.
Earth calling Germany? Earth calling Japan? Hello? Any one home?

Myth #3: Lies got us into this war.
Did we make mistakes about the WMD situation? Yes. Were they lies? No. Saying Bush is a liar because of bad intelligence and faulty assumptions on Iraqi WMD is like saying that Newton is a liar because "we now know" that his physics were off. Its a lazy intellectual exercise in ad homonym attacks on Bush's character.

Myth #4: Profit-making led to this war.
*Snooze* Yeah, this is just plain dumb. It's not even a testable theory. Those who believe this believe everything is about profit-making. Name an event or problem and the cause is the same: capitalism! Then they always point out, "What about Ike's worry about the military-industrial complex? Eh, what about 'dem apples?" Which is a really pathetic answer. Just because the possibility exists for military suppliers to want to cash in on bigger military budgets does not mean that war is necessarily motivated by the desire to make profits. The same analysis can be turned on its head to prove the opposite point -- in fact any point can be proven with this type of analysis. For instance: since peace leads to bigger profits for home building industry then the fact that we are at peace just proves that its the home building industry that really runs the show from behind the curtains!


Myth #5: Israel has caused the United States untold headaches in the Arab world by its intransigent policies.
Here is where I would disagree with VDH, at least to some degree. Our support for Israel has caused the US untold headaches. If we were to condemn Israel we would be much more popular with the Islamojawas. In fact, if we really want to be popular why don't we say that Israel has no right to exist at all? That would bring us the sympathy of a billion Muslims! See, this is what makes America unique in the world. France routinely denounces Israel because it is in her interest to do so. It is in America's interest, also, to condemn everything and anything that Israel does. Instead of doing what is in our interest, though, Americans choose to do the right thing--the moral thing. Its why I love America and why we are not just some other country. America does not always do the right thing, but neither do we do the wrong thing based solely on our interests. Usually, our foreign policy decisions can be explained by the convergence of morality and interest--as opposed to the foreign policies of most nations that can be explained in terms of interest only. The oddly wonderful thing about our support for Israel is that it can be explained solely in terms of morality. It is against our national interest, yet we do it anyway. God bless America!

Nuclear Sabotage!

Are we seeing a pattern here? "Vermont nuclear plant searching for missing fuel rods" & "Australian Police Arrest Terror Suspect - Charged with Planning Attack on Nuclear Reactor" (via Jihadwatch). Don't go jumping to conclusions, though! Remember Imperial Directive #44023: Don't Blame Islam. EVER. So, eager to comply with the Emperor's will (lest we find our windpipes mysteriously crushed) our Imperial spy network has fingered the likely suspect. This was clearly an inside job, most likely from sector 7-G.

Islamic Orgy

Stanford to move to Paris -- brings own KY. UK calls for 3-way. Christians reverse stance on 'anal', call for all out orgy. NZ waits impatiently for its turn. Islam 'into it', but only as long as the West remembers who 'the bitch' is.

Jesus wants me for a martyr

Is the song that Nasser Shamali learned in Sunday School as he relates in the Syrian government daily Teshreen

What is the story of the life of Christ if not the story of the Palestinian Intifada against oppression and corruption, and against the oppressor and the corrupt? The Palestinian Intifada is nothing but a return to the Intifada of Christ by his sons…

Islam Is a Religion of Pea[s], Says [Crown Prince] Abdullah -- Yawn!

"Were just like Americans, but without the guns." -- or maybe they said this.

French Sophistication vs. Russian Street Smarts -- or kultuni i nikulturni

Googlage

So who looks at your blog when you don't write anything for a couple of weeks? Googlers! Yes, it's time--once again--to look at the crazy world of Google referalls. How do you get referred to My Pet Jawa? Try the following Google searches:

link:OAnBukMDl8UJ:aljazeera.net -- this is an Arabic Google search, hence the garbled syntax. *sob* I'm so proud *sob* my first Jawa hit *sniff*
"john kerry facelift" & kerry's facelift -- *snicker* wasn't that an anus lift?
george lucas -- waiting for his lawyers to call
privatize the airwaves -- next to the Ayn Rand Institute I'm the definitive source
"kassie church" -- The anti-Rusty Shackleford
"bravo romeo delta" -- From Brazil, I wonder what BRD would think?
stop "its the rock" "on the block" -- or I will attack, and you don't want that!

Last, but not least: Where is Rusty Shackleford's Pet Jawa listed in the Google directory? Google finally gets it right!
directory.google.com/Top/Society/Religion_and_Spirituality/Opposing_Views/Islam/

Vacation from Myself

I took the last couple of weeks and had a vacation from myself. The moustache I grew was supposed to reinvigorate my life by making me feel like someone else for awhile. Unfortunately, the person I most felt like was a gay highway patrol officer. So, I shaved the stache and am back to my old self Dale Gri Rusty Shackleford. I'm back baby!

BAG DAY II: Electric Bugaloo

Yes, I'm still on vacation, but Aaron guilted me into doing this little post.

To: IMPERIAL SUBJECTS
From: Lord Darth Vader
RE: BUY A GUN DAY II: ELECTRIC BUGALOO

All loyal minions are hereby ordered to turn in their phallic light sabers for the not-so-gay blaster. This will have the effect of simultaneously pissing off members of the Rebel Alliance and shutting down talk that the Sith are a little "limp-wristed" (not that there's anything wrong with that). If you think the Imperial Stormtroopers are enough to protect you, and you don't need a gun, just ask Flava!

PS-It's sort of--what's the word? Oh, yeah--ironical that Chuck D is now working for those lefty bastages over at Air America.

--end transmission

Gone Fishin'

When Lord Vader told me he was my father I thought it was just a joke. But now that he's flying with me to the moons of Endor, I'm starting to believe him. If I don't post in the next week or so its because I'm hanging with my newly found fam as we plot to bring order to the universe and crush the dhimmis of the Rebel Alliance. Feel free to drop me a line, I'll be checking my e-mail on and off.

Religion of Peas Update

Dateline: Tattooine. Our vast resources in the Imperial Ministry of Propoganda have collated the following from Top Secret information. Remember, this information has come at considerable cost and should not be shared with any member of the Rebel Alliance or those who give moral or material support to the Tusken Raiders.

File: Imperial Directive #44023
As per instructed by the Emperor in Directive #44023, the following news should be suppressed because this war "is not about Islam".

"Our families in Falluja, remember that our dead go to heaven and theirs to hell," read a banner held by the marchers who had gathered early on Thursday at the Um al-Qura mosque in west Baghdad...

"It is a form of jihad which can also come in the form of demonstrations, donations and fighting. The people who are occupied have the right to fight occupation, whatever the means they use"

A broken R-2 unit was recovered containing the following information:

More than 30 senators and delegates issued a public rebuke to Del. Donald H. Dwyer Jr. yesterday over what they described as a "prejudicial and hateful" e-mail he sent to all General Assembly members last week questioning whether Islam is a peaceful religion.

The lawmakers, all Democrats, released a statement criticizing the Anne Arundel County Republican's use of the Assembly's computer system to circulate an essay concluding that Muslims practice a warlike religion.

Undersecretary of Propoganda, Rusty Shackleford, believes that censure is not harsh enough punishment. For violating the afforementioned directive, it is the Ministry's opinion that action be taken against Sen. Dwyer. The Ministry of Justice may consider carbon freezing from 10 - 20 years for violation of Directive #44023

File: Rebel Alliance
Various sources continue to show that the Rebel Alliance gives moral and financial support to Jawas in rebellion in Mos Iraq. A secret spy has infiltrated the enemy ranks by wearing tin foil on his head and brings us this news of their conversations:

While certainly a nightmare for the American people and military families, the revolt in Iraq, strengthened by Sunni-Shiite unison under the banner of anti-colonialism and Islam, is probably a consolation to the pernicious and apocalyptic reactionaries currently in power: Christian fundamentalists and pro-Israel zealots who hunger for an epic confrontation between Islam and the West.

To all underlings in the ministry: Remember, it is Top Secret information that we hunger for an "epic" confrontation between Islam and the West. Who let the cat out of the bag? Those responsible for the leak may face a personal confrontation with Lord Vader!

File: Imperial Forces Update
Our spies in Mos Eisley's infamous "Blogosphere Bar" bring several notables from those who support the Emperor.

Ace is having a public outting of democrats currently "in the closet." Your's truly, Rusty Shackleford, has suggested Noam Chomsky, but the Commissar has a pic that proves that Sheik Ahmed Yassin really flew the rainbow banner. Dave, on the other hand, has evidence that both of the good Senators from MA might have been in a film together back when they were young and needed the money.

Aaron does his darndest to reinforce the Zionist-Crusador conspiracy theories presently so popular with the left. Hey Aaron, your supposed to keep it a secret that right-wing Christians actually LIKE the Jews and that its the left that is full of looney anti-Semites!

Speaking of people saying things they ought'nt, me and the Bull have got into a bit of a spat over her semmantic usage in her present post. I guess I never learned not to mess with the bull and all that.

Rusty's found a new site worth mentioning because he has been named official campaign manager. Senator Buster hasn't quite figured out how to use the trackback thing yet, but he'll learn. He should also realize that once our dark plans are fully realized the Imperial Senate will be summarily dismissed!

Pretender to the Imperial throne, Misha, has a pic that I personally approved for propoganda purposes. Distribute it far and wide! I wonder when John F. Did-I-Mention-I-Served-In-Vietnam-Kerry will complain of insensitivity?

As for more reports out of our vast spy network, we'll have to let Ironbear reign supreme on the link dumpage. I swear if I ever quit my job at the Imperial Ministry of Propoganda I'm going to out do him yet!

Islamic Blog Ads Back UP!

Is this a case of Jimmy Carter taking his message to the sinners at Playboy? Or is this just a case of a stupid Google ad-bot that searches pages for words related to Islam and then places ads related to Islam on those pages?

Because you know, I would never use the word Islam in vain just so my Google ads would link my anti-Islamist blog to Muslim sponsered sites that are sympathetic to Islam and that have good things to say about the Q'uran when I often say bad things about Islam so that when people visiting my anti-Islamist site would click on those Islamic ads therefore generating revenue for my web-host from the coffers of Islamic sites indirectly funded by a certain Islamic Kindgom therefore indirectly redirecting their wealth to us and maybe even to certain other anti-Islamic sites that might not be so sympathetic to Muslims on the West Bank or to other blasphemous sites that might even claim to be written by Allah himself or to my own blog that sometimes calls Muhammed a pedophile and has even been known to compare Muslims to Jawas and radical Muslims and Islamists calling for an Islamic State --modelled after the Islamic Republic of Iran or the Islamic State of Sudan or the Islamic boy-loving ass-pirate Taliban or the the Paki radical sharia loving Islamists-- Tusken Raiders or demeaning the Religion of Peace as the Religion of Peas and making the traditional Islamic color of green the official color of the anti-Islamist blog pea green because that might just be offensive to non-secular loving Muslims who might not just have a good sense of humor like all the Muslims I grew up with in my neighborhood where there were a lot of Muslims from Islamic countries who were very cool and were here because they fled the asshat Mullahs of the Islamic Republic or the religious fascists of that Islamic Kingdom and therefore were not Jawas because Jawas is a term saved for Muslims who create the sea for which Islamist Tusken Raiders are allowed to swim and the Muslims I knew growing up were cool and had come here fleeing the oppression of Sharia law and this one Muslim dude who was especially cool would always give me his burger on free In'n'Out Burger day because he was a good Muslim and wouldn't eat food that wasn't halal but he also would never want to force Sharia on the world but believed Muslims ought to choose to follow Islamic precepts unlilke that camel-loving jawa Muslim from a certain unnamed Kingdom that is ruled by a radical Islamic school of thought who stayed at my house in college and would talk all smack about how that unnamed Kingdom of Muslims was misunderstood by us non-Muslims because Islam was a religion of peace and Sharia would liberate all mankind from sin and the unhappiness caused by Western secularism and then he moved in with a bunch of fellow Muslims where I presume they could practice Islam the way they wanted and wouldn't have to tolerate a non-Muslim like me who didn't force his wife into subservience by making her cover her face with the veil which I guess his Islamic Muslim eyes were offended by and then I would deliver pizza to the house of Allah where all those jawa freak Muslims lived and you know what kind of pizza those Islamist freaking jerkwad hypocrite Muslim fanatic asshats would order? Canadian Bacon!

Nope. I would never do that ;-)

Brown Sugar Live!

I'm watching Brown Sugar testify at the 9/11 Commission via C-SPAN online. I don't know what it is about her, but if she say's "Force Protection" one more time Rusty Shackleford is going to have to close the office door. What can I say about her testimony other than it is interesting, interesting, very interesting, and I have the feeling I'm about to lose interest!

Listen up y'all its a sabotoge!

Yeah I Can't Stand It. I Know You Planned It.
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Back and Wonder Why
I Got This F***ing Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's a Sabotage

So Listen Up 'Cause You Can't Say Nothin'
You'll Shut Me Down With A Push Of Your Button?
But I'm Out And I'm Gone
I'll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

'Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet So Don't You Get Souped Yet
You're Scheming On A Thing That's A Mirage
I'm Trying To Tell You Now It's Sabotage
Why; Our Backs Are Now Against The Wall
Listen All Of Y'all It's A Sabotage

I Can't Stand It, I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rockin' When I'm In This Place
Because I Feel Disgrace Because You're All In My Face
But Make No Mistakes And Switch Up My Channel
I'm Buddy Rich When I Fly Off The Handle
What Could It Be, It's A Miracle
You're Scheming On A Thing; That's Sabotage!

Coping mechanism: ON.
Set to: BEASTIE BOYS.

Today's depressing news requires a beastie state of mind. You cope with the lunacy of reality your way, I'll cope with it in mine.

Clone Wars Begin

Bad news out of Mos Iraq. Allah, God of the dark side of the force, reminds me that we need to dig deep and give back to our slain Imperial Marines.

Europe is a 'Province of Islam'

From the 'Stating the Obvious' Department of the Imperial Undersecretariat of Propoganda comes this news gathered from our secret spy network of European resistance fighters:

ROME -- A new book by controversial journalist Oriana Fallaci that hit bookstores here Monday accuses Europe of having sold its soul to what she describes as an Islamic invasion.

Entitled "The Strength of Reason," ("La Forza della Ragione" in Italian), the book also accuses the Roman Catholic Church of being too weak before the Muslim world.

"Europe becomes more and more a province of Islam, a colony of Islam. And Italy is an outpost of that province, a stronghold of that colony," the book says. "In each of our cities lies a second city: a Muslim city, a city run by the Quran. A stage in the Islamic expansionism." ...

A group in France unsuccessfully sought to stop distribution of the book, while two other associations have requested that it carry a warning. ...

Describing Europe as "Eurabia" -- a mix of Europe and Arabia -- the Italian writer said the continent "has sold itself and sells itself to the enemy like a prostitute."

Written in the blunt style that is Fallaci's trademark, the 278-page book claims the Catholic Church keeps silent even when its symbols are offended by Muslims and before such practices as polygamy and torture.

The current invasion, Fallaci writes, is not carried out only by the "terrorists who blow up themselves along with skyscrapers or buses" but also by "the immigrants who settle in our home, and who, with no respect for our laws, impose their ideas, their customs, their God."

The book is dedicated to the victims of the March 11 terror attacks in Madrid.

Why am I starting to find Italian women so much more attractive?

Surprise!!! Qatar backs democracy, no more blaming the Jews

From the Holy Freaking Schneike Department this news out of Qatar:

Arab states should consider US proposals for democratic reform rather than rejecting them outright, the ruler of Qatar has said.

Amir Shaikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani also said on Monday Arabs could no longer use the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and security fears to justify delaying much needed political, social and economic change.

Left field to Rusty: Lookout, incoming!!

"Honesty obliges us to stress that the wrath in our region does not spring only from the Palestinian cause but goes deeper and is due to problems of our own creation that have nothing to do with the outside world - problems that we allowed to grow unremedied and unchecked," Shaikh Hamad said.

Oh Allah, I hear you weeping!

Also on Monday, Qatar said it feared a civil war could break out in Iraq and that the country was becoming a "fertile ground for terrorists".

"The developments in Iraq in the last few days are alarming and we fear that we are facing a civil war in Iraq reminding me of what happened in Afghanistan and Lebanon," Qatari Foreign Minister Shaikh Hamad bin Jasim Al Thani told reporters on the sidelines of the conference.

"We are worried about the cluster of resistance and terrorist organisations in Iraq which has become a fertile ground for these people to implement their extremist ideology," said the foreign minister.

How is it that Qatar 'gets it' better than the Democratic Party?

Czar Gets Radio Program

Bill Bennett now has his own show that can be heard 24/7 here.

Saudi Arabia Endorses Kucinich, Attempts to "Spaniardize" America

From the official organ (think of an organ south of the beltline) of the House of Saud comes this editorial by Richard H. Curtis. Reading this essay reminds ol' Rusty of the CPUSA candidate for President he heard speaking at Red Square one fine May Day many moons ago:

What the United States has to do is get out on schedule because we have become an obstacle to peace.

If any American politician is closest to the truth it is probably Dennis Kucinich who says “get out, period.” Second closest to the truth is Howard Dean who says the US should get out gracefully. Furthest from the truth is Sen. John F. Kerry who hasn’t fully grasped that the US must get out. And, most frightening of all, is President George W. Bush who never understood why he couldn’t just go from one war to another without having to pay the terrible consequences of wars of conquest.

Mr. Curtis was once promulent in the holocaust denying Institute for Historical Review and is now Executive Editor of the Washington Report on Middle East Affairs. Mr. Curtis is a well known moonbat who's inciteful essays include: WOLFOWITZ AND HIS SUCCESSFULLY EVIL CABAL; Mossad Duped America, UK Into Launching Iraq Attack; How Israel Manipulated Western Intelligence Agencies; The Secret Life of Meyrav Wurmser...the list goes on and on. If that weren't enough, Mr. Curtis' essays are promulently displayed at the Castle Hill Publisher's website, who's mission is:

...to correct unjust reporting or accounts of events of the 20th century. It is also the Foundation's goal to further public debate about the subject generally described as 'Holocaust'.

It is also Castle Hill Publishers' goal to financially assist Revisionists who, due to their work, are subjected to prosecution, physical assault or slander, or who are otherwise victimized or persecuted.

Holocaust denyers are victims in the same way as Priests are just victims of all those luscious young Catholic boys out there.

Can Rusty put on the moonbat hat himself here? Mind if I go out on a limb for just a sec? Is it just me, or is Saudi Arabia trying to get "W" thrown out of office? Yeah, I know a coincidence is just a coincidence and all that, but the timing of OPEC's announced production cuts are just a little too singular to be overlooked. Despite what all the moonbats over at DU say over and over, the Saudis hate Bush. The Saudis understand what so many in the West continue to deny: there is a war going on between Islam and the world. This war has been going on for over a thousand years. The main obstacle, today, standing in the way of Islam winning is George W. Bush. No, "W" isn't doing half of what he should be doing to fight the Islamofascists, but name another world leader who does half of what Shrub does? Most world leaders are not only willing dhimmis, but they also supply their own KY and a smile as they assume the bee-yatch position.

Saudi Arabia's manipulation of world oil prices is a way to influence the November elections and get someone--any one--other than Bush elected to office. If there is one thing Americans hate it is to have some mo-fo mess with our SUV loving culture. If the price of oil goes up, so does the price of gas, energy, airfare, transportation, and eventually even food! Like it or not, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the electorate blames the guy in office for any bad economic news. I believe that the Saudis are trying to effect the American economy in such a way as to get the "crusader" Bush ousted.

Yeah, I know, it sounds like something somebody over at DU would write (in reverse). Just remember: conspiracies are dumb because they are only mostly untrue and needlessly complicated.

Mass Suicide Over -- Mass Resurrection Begins

Our Imperial Spy Network of paid informants was busy yesterday. Report after report kept coming in of Sith Lords turning from the dark-side! First to drink the Kool-Aid was pretender to the Imperial Throne, Darth Misha, who wished us, "Peace, man, and happy fluffy bunnies." Imperial Cartoonists Cox and Forkum announced that the Rebel Alliance had jailed half their Sith team for crimes against the state. One rumor even came through the network that Imperial Governor Ariel Sharon had been killed.

Two Benedict Arnolds were revealed to have gone over for MONEY. First, the holder of the prestigious Lord Vader Chair of Intergalactic Peace, Dr. O, announced that he had resigned his post and signed on to the Kerry Campaign as "Deputy Policy Director for Terrorism." And second, Rusty Shackleford was sad to note a couple of days ago that the mypetjawa endorsed candidate for Emperor, Michael Cooper, had sold his domain for a few imperial credits.

If insult were not already added to injury, one promulent ally of the Imperial Ministry of propaganda even had the nerve to imply that yours truly, Dale GribbleRusty Shackleford, had joined the spineless fools who seek to overthrow the order brought to the universe by the Dark Emperor. In the words of Jedi Master--and known collaborator of the evil-doers in the Rebel Alliance-- Al Franken, "Commissar you ignorant slut!"

Of course, in the word's of Dr. O, "Apparently yesterday was April 1st, which is some kind of universally recognized day of pranks." My underlings in the Ministry of Propaganda must have gone Sept. 10th on me and totally missed that the obvious was about to happen. How could they have overlooked that fact? Look y'all, when the Jews start running from the building its obvious the Mossad is about to attack (and then blame the whole thing on poor innocent jawas)! All of these sites were attempting to pull the wool over our collective eyes. Luckily, Rusty Shackleford doesn't fall for such Jedi mind-tricks so easily. He even collaborated with Cooper in spreading a few vicious lies! Hey, if telling lies isn't an essential component of propaganda, I don't know what is!!

So, The Imperial Ministry of Propaganda hereby announce that the report of so many Siths being swayed to the good side of the force have been soreley exaggerated. Let the de-de-linking begin!

Imperial Candidate for Emperor sells soul!

Is this for real? Can it be that George Soros is so afraid of the ascendency of Michael Cooper's campaign to be the next Democratic candidate that he bought the 'tard out? I'm, what's the word, stupified. Apparently MoveOn.org, a front for billionaire George Soros' political activity, has made Coop an offer he couldn't refuse. Update: Apparently Cooper's minions struck back. Why do I get the feeling that if Misha ever got hold of Coop that he'd do more than pour some glue on his head?

Note to Soros: This site for sale!

Don't blame Islam...EVER!

Blame anybody, just don't blame Islam. EVER. Its just a small minority. Our Imperial network of paid informants report this out of Mos Fallujah

Jubilant residents dragged the charred corpses of four foreigners--one a woman, at least one an American _ through the streets Wednesday and hanged them from the bridge spanning the Euphrates River....

"Fallujah is the graveyard of Americans,'' residents cheered after the grisly assault on two four-wheel-drive civilian vehicles, which left both in flames. Others chanted, "We sacrifice our blood and souls for Islam.''

In related news, a suspect in the Jakarta hotel bombings has been arrested and confessed. Apparently, he was confused over whether or not murdering women and children was ok in Islam. After discovering that his involvement in the plot led to murder he says,

I suddenly wondered if these are in accordance with Islam - that we plant bombs and make our escape and then find out later that those who die are children and women....I became confused over my loyalty [to Jemaah Islamiyah].

Hmm, yeah, I see the dilemma. That's a toughie. You know, its not all black and white and all that.

Oh yeah, and speaking of not blaming Islam, let's peg the problem on poverty. Yeah, poverty, that's it. News out of jolly ol' England seems to confirm my hypothesis:

Security chiefs yesterday warned the enemy within or home-grown radicalised terrorists were behind the plot unmasked on Tuesday to blast London with a series of spectacular explosions. They live with their mothers, go to university and hold down respectable jobs -- and, in the wake of London's biggest Islamist terror scare, they are seen as the British capital's biggest threat.

The arrests seemed to confirm widely held fears that young, mostly middle-class British East-Asians were being so radicalised by extreme forms of Islam that they were prepared to kill their fellow citizens.

The suspects were said to have been outwardly respectable and leading normal lives in suburbia.

See, poverty! Oh wait, er, there has to be a perfectly acceptable alternative. I know, its alienation. That's it. These guys were outcasts. Social misfits. The kids who don't fit in:

A TALENTED cricketer touted as a future England player is among the suspects police fear are the new face of terror in Britain.

Hmm, well, that doesn't PROVE anything!

Oh, well, not enough time to finish the post. Maybe later. But in the meantime remember this: DON'T BLAME ISLAM!

Communist Plot to Ruin Blog Experiment Revealed!

Today that commie-pinko-bastard the Commissar decided to ruin my blog experiment by putting me on his newest bloggahland map! His map of the "Vast Warlike Confederation" is absolutely brilliant, but I'm afraid its going to affect Rusty Shackleford's site meter--thus killing all hopes of validating his own Unified Theory of Blogging! I especially like the fact that Rusty is in the "Comic" tribe along with such big-whigs as Allah, Iowahawk, IMAO, and the Commissar himself. I wonder if the blog experiment could be salvaged if he'd only add that hot Iraqi blonde chick to the land of Amazons?

The Watermelon Party of God

You know the old joke: Q: What fruit is the Green Party most like? A: The Watermelon. It's green on the outside and red in the middle.

Well, today its seems that radical Islamists would also like to adopt the watermelon as their fruit of choice. The sacred color green is just a thin veneer for the deeper cause of socialism for some in the movement:

...the future Khilafah state will not take the Muslim world to a mythical medieval theocratic model, but rather will advance the world under an enlightened social, economic and political order. Indeed this system is best placed to deal with the inequalities, injustice and corporate terror felt by most under Capitalism.

Nice. I always wondered what else, besides a rabid hatred of Jews, the left-wingers in Berkeley had in common with radical Islamists. Now I know.

Also from that site, we learn that terrorism is bad, mmm-kay. Thank you Islam! Of course, there is a means/ends problem with the manifesto. Much like the kinder-gentler Marxists on college campuses the world over, this utopian vision should be achieved through non-violent means. Nice. Why does this all sound so familiar?

Western governments have demonstrated that they have little regard for Muslim life. They have also exhibited their deep animosity toward Islam through their speech and deeds. We ask you how can they be the source of security for Muslims? The security and sanctity of Muslim life and non-Muslim life can only be realized through the Islamic ideology and its implementation through the Islamic Khilafah State. Working to uproot Western interference in the Islamic world requires political work to re-establish the Khilafah state in the Muslim lands. This state will place our political destiny back into our hands and allow this Ummah to take control over her resources. This state will stand against Western imperialism in all its forms.

I see, so your telling me not to be afraid of you because you don't want to bomb us? But somehow the prospects of religious fanatics ruling me is somehow less ominous? And, by the way, do we need look any farther than Iran, Sudan, or Northern Nigeria to see what your ideal state would look like in practice? Oh, not to mention the Taliban in Afghanistan. I remember my Marxist friends always chiding me that China and the Soviet Union weren't "real socialism." I love Utopians. Never let the facts get in the way of theory.

But wait, EUrodhimmis, there's more!

At a time when Islam and Muslims are under attack from vicious propaganda Muslims in Europe must stand firm for the universality of the Islamic ideology. They must work as part of a global Islamic agenda, which sees as its primary goal the reestablishment of the Khilafah state and the implementation of the Islamic ideology.

And how can Muslims in Europe work toward the world-wide Islamic state? First, by assisting in the global call for the Islamic state:

The obstacles to the application of Islam are the Muslim rulers, who are the surrogates of the Western states in the Muslim world. We need to become a voice for political change in the Muslim world. Muslims in the West have the ability to speak and to address the challenges faced in the Muslim lands under their tyrant dictatorships. Holding the view that living in the West means we must distance ourselves from our Ummah and her vital issue is a clear contradiction to Islam..

It just gets better and better. Remember Samuel Huntington's thesis that a Clash of Civilization's was at hand? Well, Muslims quickly denounced the book as inflaming already tense relations. But listen to the words that the Islamists themselves use;

Secondly - To present Islam in the West as an ideology and an alternative civilization We need to address the West with the intellectual strength of Islam and to call the thinkers in the West to visualize the great civilisation of Islam, as it was and will one day arise when the Khilafah state returns.

Pause. Rewind. Its at this point that they interject that "the future Khilafah state will not take the Muslim world to a mythical medieval theocratic model"? So do you want to restore a society that once existed? One that definitely was theocratic and even barbaric? Or are we trying to envision this futuristic utopia you propose? Oh, I'm sorry. Apparently consistency is the hobgoblin of the weak minded and all that. But I digress.

This site seems to be run by an organization in Great Brittain. The third thing they want is to safeguard Muslim communities and make them examples to their foreign hosts

We must safeguard the Muslim community in Britain from dilution with alien values. Muslim communities should become model communities that exhibit the advanced values that Islam gave us.

What "advanced values" would those be? Female circumcision? Honor killings? Hate speech?

We must not isolate ourselves into ghettos, or run to adopt the western values for the sake of appeasing critics. Rather we must maintain our values, our identity and demonstrate these values in our trade, relationships, Akhlaaq (morals), interactions and dealings with the people in the West.

Again, isn't there a contradiction here? You act as if your British hosts were out to get you. You tell your people that they must limit cultural interaction with the country that gives you the freedom to spout off this evil vision of the world. Then, you say you shouldn't ghettoize yourselves? How does this mesh with your anti-assimilationist message? I don't get it. Moving on..

Our Mosques should become centres of excellence and learning not centres for sectarian division.

I would settle for centers of mediocrity that weren't filled with genocidal sermons.

Our marriages should be examples of tranquillity and stability.

You know, spare the rod - spoil the broad and all that.

Our youth should exhibit the good akhlaaq (morals) and the best attributes, excelling in all areas, rather than become by-products of British ‘yob culture’. Our women should show the true examples of modesty and honour, resisting the call to discard her identity for the false notions of liberation.

False notions of liberation, like not getting stoned to death for being a slut.

By Allah (subhanahu wa ta'aala) leave such a community will shine in the moral and social decline that envelopes the Western world and will act to divert the propaganda war fought on a state level to hide the truth about Islam and its strength of thought and civilisation.

Er, which propaganda war would that be. I'm sorry, I was under the impression that it was 'hate speech' in jolly old England to call one of you fascists bastards...well, a fascist bastard.

The end of the article is a poetic call for Muslims in England to join the world-wide revolution.

O Muslims in Britain!

You are a part of a global Ummah and you need to join the global Islamic call. Muslims all over the world are contributing their time, energies and even their lives to bring the shade of Allah’s deen over the Muslims and over all mankind. Work with us in establishing Allah’s deen, presenting the truth of Islam and build our communities on the correct foundations. This is the agenda the Muslims in the West must abide by, for soon we will witness the new dawn, the emergence of a new civilisation and the first step towards the shifting of western hegemony the world over.

Folks, World War III has started, yet the West has not accepted this fact. It is as if Pearl Harbor happened, we had already fought the battle of Midway, yet America would not admit it was at war with Japan. Radical Muslims understand that war has been declared, and contrary to what they think, it was they who declared it. This war is global and has many fronts. In Iraq, in Europe, even in the US.

Like the Cold War, there will be many enemies who will water down the message. They said that communism was compatible with many of our democratic values. They just didn't get our objections then, and the Islamists just don't get our objections now. Whether or not you have a bloody revolution or vote into office a state that takes away all my property and all of my liberties is irrelevant. In the end, you still become a slave to the state. So to with the Islamic state. I don't care whether you renounce terrorism or not. If you get your way I become a second-class citizen and a slave to your notion of godly morality. I will not be your god's shahid.

Regardless of whether we should have gone into Iraq, we are there now. Victory in this new civilizational type of warfare requires that we set up a functioning liberal democracy. This is a war of values. Defeating a government is no longer enough. If we let Iraq slide into the barbarism that is Sharia law and let it become an Islamic state, we have lost this front of the war. If you EUrodhimmis let the Islamists slowly take over your continent, then we have an even bigger problem. The next front in this war will, once again, be the beaches of Normandy...

Hmmm, invade France? On second thought, maybe that isn't such a bad idea.

Oh Jebus, Thank You!

Today I proved, once again, that I am the most powerful force on the internet! Oh, my week is starting off on a high note. As you know, my weekend post was a diatribe against Arab news outlets that incite murder against our troops and our allies. The gist of the post was that such papers and TV stations need to be shut down immediately. How did CENCOM respond? CNN reports:

The U.S.-led civil administration in Iraq closed the Baghdad newspaper Al Hawsa for 60 days, accusing its publishers of inciting violence against coalition troops....The Coalition Provisional Authority accused the paper's editors of printing articles that incited violence against U.S. and other coalition troops -- a violation of coalition regulations.

The building was sealed, and anyone caught attempting to publish the paper could face up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Ah, once again vindicated.

No time to post my complete thoughts on the subject, but I will leave you with this. Which media outlet wishes our troops to die more: CNN or Al Jazeera? Read the two articles and tell me you see any difference between the two. Hint: Notice the headline and lead in both stories.

For a different take on the subject, The Bull has some thoughts.