Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Terrorist/Hijacker Arrested in Minneapolis

Via Robert I just learned this:
Federal sources told 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS the man was arrested last Wednesday at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Sources in the Twin Cities and in Washington D.C. said the man arrived on a flight and was taken into federal custody. Along the way, customs agents found disturbing items in his possession.

The U.S. Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed to 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS that Ali Mohamed Almosaleh is in federal custody in the Twin Cities. He was being detained on an immigration law violation, but federal sources confirmed there is much more than that to this investigation.

Sources confirm Almosaleh was carrying a suicide [sic note] when he was arrested. They say that note indicated a specific time and date for carrying out some sort of public suicide. He was also carrying CDs and DVDs, which federal sources say contained anti-American material. A source also confirms Almosaleh had something with him indicating a connection with at least one known terrorist.

Almosaleh arrived on a KLM flight last week. A source confirmed he began his travels in Syria and stopped in Amsterdam before continuing to the Twin Cities.

A federal source would not say where Almosaleh's final destination was, but that source did indicate it appears Almosaleh had plans to travel beyond the Twin Cities.

One federal official in Washington noted, this is a "very sensitive" investigation.
Could this be the reason I heard Acting Chief of CIA, John McClaughlin, on NPR this morning saying that we were at the highest threat level since 9/11? Was this a lone psycho-terrorist or was he part of a larger plot?

Back to the grind for me.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Note To Blog Friends

I need to apologize to my five loyal readers who make a habit of dropping comments: Sorry for being so flaky lately.

I try to respond to comments regularly, but lately I just have not really had time. I'm being seriously here.

I just moved into a new office which took up mucho grande time. Let me tell you, though, it was worth it.

We're hiring a new political scientist which kind of makes me the point man for doing such important work as showing job candidates where the gym is and the explaining the nuances of the rules regarding dating students.

Also, my mother-in-law is in town for the big release of RS v. 3.0 this week. Yeah, I know this would be a perfect excuse to 'work late' and all that, but Mrs. Shackleford will have none of that.

So, to all my regular readers, again I apologize. I don't want to name names, for fear of leaving someone out, but one of the main reasons I blog is to get your comments. Thanks for all you've contributed over the past few months and I'll try to get back on the ball as soon as things settle down around the Ministry of Propaganda.

Al Qaeda Hacks Arkansas

No wonder our servers keep going down (via Robert):
The state of Arkansas unknowingly helped the al-Qaida terrorist network distribute propaganda promoting violence against the United States....

From July 9 to mid-morning yesterday, a self-proclaimed U.S.-based al-Qaida sympathizer known as "Irhabi 007," or Terrorist 007, listed a large number of video and audio files for download by fellow sympathizers, Mansfield reported to WorldNetDaily.

The files were located on an anonymous FTP server at the Arkansas Department of Highways and Transportation in two directories called "007" and "ALQA3EDAH."

Among them were files highly sought after by jihadis, including the al-Qaida films "Badr al Riyadh," "American Hell in Iraq," "Russian Hell," "Martyrs of the Confrontation" and "Wills of Martyrs." Also posted were the Berg beheading video and many audio and video clips of various al-Qaida leaders, including Osama Bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri and Abu Musa'ab al-Zarqawi.
Of course, if this was the right-wing equivalent of DU we would say things like:"Arkansas...Clinton...al Qaeda...interesting coincidence?"

Monday, July 12, 2004

Monkey's Paw: Check

Part I of my diabolical plan to take over the blogsphere has just been completed. I am now the senior political scientist at the University of Texas, Arlen and have inherited all the pomp and laureates that come with such an occasion.

The move to the new office now complete, I begin phase II: Operation Mayhem.

Everything in order?

Monkey's Paw: check
Compass: check
Twistie Straw: check
Mag-Lite flashlight: check

It's all coming together....bide your time, Rusty. Bide your time.

The Six Million Dollar Blog

Dr. Rusty Shackleford, blogger.

"She's breaking up, My Pet Jawa is breaking up...."

My Pet Jawa, a blog barely alive.....

"Gentleman, we can rebuild it.

We have the technology.

We have the capability to make the world's first Bionic Blog.

My Pet Jawa will be that blog.

Better than it was before.

Better . . . stronger . . . faster."

Coming Soon: My Pet Jawa v. 2.0 beta & Rusty Shackleford v. 3.0

Together, we will bring order to the galaxy....

Thursday, July 08, 2004

John Edwards-Heinz-Kerry

Honeymoon photos. But will those private honeymoon videos ever make their way to the internet?

The Seven Deadly Sins of Blogging: Director's Cut

Like the famed Phoenix of Arizona, this post is reborn out of the ashes of last week's archives. What started as a silly post to indulge my vanity has made the internet rounds. Each and every day I find I'm getting hits from new sites linked to this post. (Speaking of, does anyone have a better hit counter than site-meter? Preferably one that will track more than the last 100 hits?).

Like a DJ at a top-forty station I will suck every last hit out of this post until the public cries in unison, "Enough! Away with your foul reposting!!" Besides, with mucho responsibilities around the Ivory Tower and with Rusty Shackleford 3.0 only days away from making his grand appearence, I really haven't had time to sit down and write anything meaningful.

If you've already read it, act like you're at a party. You know, they start playing Fifty-Cent's It's Gettin Hot in Here and someone invariable says what a cool song it is, but you can't really say anything about how that song was interesting the first bajillion times you heard it.....Act like that.
__________________________________________________________________________

You miss a day blogging. No time for a serious hard-hitting post. Hits are down. What do you do? Engage in the blogosphere's oldest vice: Link dropping!!!

But that's just one of the mortal vices of blogging. What are the others?

Rusty Shackleford presents: The Seven Deadly Sins of Blogging: a brief guide.*

1) The Link Drop Post: Steven Taylor and I prove kindrid souls on this one. Don't think this one works? Do you actually believe Glenn Reynolds was born Satan's right-hand man or had to work on it?

2) Search Terms Post: Google not treating you right? BRD has a full discourse on the merits of porn and conspiracy theories. Sure fire way to up the ol' sitemeter .....and send your soul right to Beelzebub's dominion.

3) The Re-post Post: Had a popular post in the past? Hits down? Ace re-introduces us to one of his greatest hit-jobs. Remember, this sin sometimes counts double.

4) The Blogroll Post: Get bloggers attention fast! The Llama Butchers are ordered to do 5 Hail Mary's and an Our Father for jeapordizing their immortal souls.

5) The Breaking News Post: The blogger ethos requires a link to the first person breaking the story. MH King, Amanda Doerty, Jeff Quinton, James....I say to you repent!!

6) The Caption Contest Post: Win the caption, get a link. See how this works? This sin seems to be reserved for Fridays. Shame on you Kevin!

7) The Recipricol Link Post: Want to up your TTLB Ecosystem rating? Easy. Start an 'Alliance' of 'like-minded bloggers' to recipricate links. (via Commissar) Jessica and Boi From Troi are warned that this mortal sin will not go unpunished!!

In the Name of He Who Rules the Blogosphere I Warn All of You to Repent! Any other Bloggers who engage in these sins have been forwarned. Hell-fire and brimstone await if you do not change your wicked ways!

*Mia Culpa. Yes, I have been guilty of all these vile acts in the past. I have seen the light! I once was lost, but now I'm saved.....

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Wassef Hassoun (aka Benedict Arnold) Calls Home

Oh holy crap. Backcountry Conservative (cross-posted at the Command Post) and Wizbang are reporting that Cpl. Wassef Hassoun has called his family in Utah (no, they're not Mormon). What was once a crazy theory over at Spoons' blog keeps getting more and more plausible. This guy went AWOL, either with the intention of becoming a traitor or caught a little of the ol' Stockholm Syndrome. Either way, I'm now 60% on board with the notion that he's the enemy (which still leaves a lot of doubt). Which is worse, dying a hero or living as Benedict Arnold?

Incidently, my niece, who is from Marine Cpl. Hassoun's adopted home town (he's originally from Lebannon) of West Jordan, Utah, just joined the Marines and is at Parris Island as we speak. Although little Recruit Shackleford probably won't be reading this post, I do wish her the best. Keep safe!

It pisses me off to no end to think that a fellow Marine, out of her home-town, could have possibly joined the dark forces fighting our brave young men and women. If it turns out he has joined the enemy, I hope they give them Utah justice, rather than Texas. Utah justice is a lot like Texas...only they use a firing squad.

I won't be able to update this post, as Mrs. Shackleford has an OB appointment to make sure that Rusty Shackleford v. 3.0 is on track for delivery later next week. Kevin at Wizbang and Jeff Quinton at Backcountry Conservative will keep you up to date on any Benedict Arnold related developments.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Edwards Adjective Update

"Sexy" - MTV

"Skillful"- VOA

"Handsome" - UPI

"Charming" - Business Week

"Charismatic" - Wired

"Smooth-talking" - ABC News

"Charmer" - Reuters

"High-wattage" - LA Times

"Engaging" - NY Times

UPDATE:

"Folksy" - Financial Times

"Dynamique" - Le Monde

"Overachiever" - ABC News

Missouri to Terrorists: Show Me

Everyone (Jeff Quinton, Misha, James, Chris Short, Alan) is reporting that the brother of Cpl. Wassef Ali Hassoun has 'received a sign' that Cpl. Hassoun is alive.

In light of my tirade yesterday saying he was dead, is it time for me to eat crow? Not so fast.

First, I'm an adopted son of Missouri, so I say: show me. If Hassoun is alive, where is he? I'll believe it when I see it. I'm sorry, but when someone says they've received 'a sign' with no further elaboration, then red flags have got to go up.

Second, I'm beginning to lean toward the Spoons theory more and more as this wierd drama plays out. You will recall from yesterday's post, that Spoons believes that Cpl. Hassoun deserted and joined the enemy.

If I was to handicap this one, I'd say I was 40% sure that Hassoun is dead, as per yesterday's rant. 35% leaning toward the Spoons-traitor theory. 25% of me has no freaking idea whatsoever. The important thing, though, is that exactly zero parts per million of me is on board the Al Jazeera line that Hassoun was captured, shown mercy by the zombie-terrorzoids who threatened to behead him, and then dropped off at the nearest Stop-n-go. 0%.

John Kerry Gay Marries John Edwards: World Reacts

Yes, it's true....and the way I heard it, John Edwards (via Wizbang) wore a Princess Leah outfit.

Edwards' response: "I'm the bitch?"

Kerry remarks: "Not all the way gay."

Mrs. John Heinz-Kerry: "Sandwich."


"You may kiss the bride."


Who is the pretty-boy on the ticket? The goods from the partisan hacks at the GOP:
A Disingenuous, Unaccomplished Liberal And Friend To Personal Injury Trial Lawyers
Blog reactions at Outside the Beltway

Al Jazeera officially endorses the Kerry-Heinz-Edwards manage-a-trois.

Musicians on Mrs. Heinz-Edwards-Kerry (thanks Jane):

Randy Newman:
Have we got a tough guy here?
Have we got a tough guy from the street?
And he looks just like that dancing wop
In those movies that we've seen
With his cute little chicken shit boots on
And his cute little chicken shit hat
And his cute little chicken shit girlfriends

Ridin' along in back
What's been happening with you boys?
Are you having a nice time on your trip?
All the way from Jersey City
And you look pretty as a picture
Please don't hurt no one tonight
Please don't break no woman's heart
How 'bout it, you little prick?
How 'bout it?
Hope we're gonna get the chance
To show you 'round
Hope we're gonna get the chance
To show you 'round
Talk tough to me,
Pretty Boy Tell us all about the mean streets of home

Talk tough to me
The Mullets:
I see a pretty boy.
(I see a pretty boy)
I see a pretty boy,
And he's laughing in my face.
And everyone likes him
.
(everyone likes him)
But I'm not jealous
Cause he's everything I hate.
The pretty boy is having fun
The pretty boy is having fun
The pretty boy is having fun
And I'm not
He's got a real loud car
(got a real loud car)
He's never lonely
Cause he's always got a date
Don't want to be like him
(don't want to be like him)
I'd rather be a bum
That's livin' on the street

The pretty boy is having fun
The pretty boy is having fun
The pretty boy is having fun
And I'm not
The pretty boy
Always has on a nice shirt
The pretty boy
Is the kid that I want to hurt

The pretty boy
He takes from me
Everything that I need
He took my pride
He took my girl
And he's the one
That'll rule the world
The pretty boy is having fun
The pretty boy is having fun
The pretty boy is having fun
And I'm not
Joe Jackson:
Pretty boys - on my tv screen
Teeth so white and hair so clean
Pretty boys - sing and play guitars
Pretty boys get to be big stars

How do you rate my sex appeal from one to ten
Is my image just a bit confusing
Maybe I should get a facelift, start again
Maybe I should trade my pointed shoes in
’cause talent don’t count
For pretty boys

Those promo people got a lot to answer for
You can take your face and see just where it fits
Be a pretty pawn in someone else’s war
Your baby blue eyes - somebody else’s wits
Equals success
For pretty boys

I wanna see a human being on my tv set
Want some action for the fat and thin man
They’re getting closer but they ain’t got robots yet
Just a hero with a smile like a tin man
No brains and no heart
Just pretty boys

Monday, July 05, 2004

Newsflash: Gay Man Admires Maddonna

Andrew Sullivan on Madonna:
"I'm in awe. She's 45 years old. The two hours of astonishingly athletic choreography, dazzling video effects, and crowd-pleasing music would have taxed an 18 year-old. She truly is one of the great performers of our time."
Um, if you're going to make a reputation for bucking stereotypes, why do you write this jive? *Sigh* As my good friend Bill Dauterieve says, "They're only stereotypes cause they're mostly true." Yeah, mostly.

Drudge Headline: Official, Kerry has chosen VP

Ok so I get all excited....click on the link....only to find? Nothing. Kerry might announce tomorrow. *sigh* Yet another misleading Drudge headline.

Wassef Ali Hassoun Still Dead

(This post will be updated w/o the ol' UPDATE header)

Do we know if Wassef Ali Hassoun is still alive or not? No.

But since speculation is what we bloggers do best, let's speculate for a second. In yesterday's post we said that we were near certain that Cpl. Hassoun was dead and "Do not expect a body to ever be found" because his captors realize that it is a tactical mistake to murder a fellow Muslim.

If anything, the cryptic messages that Cpl. Hassoun has been "moved to a safe location" only bolsters my suspicion that he is dead. Expect fantastic stories to follow--about how Cpl. Hassoun has seen the light, how he agrees with the goals of his Islamist captors, or even that he has joined the Mujahadin. What you should not expect is to ever see him declaring his allegiance to al Qaeda on videotape recorded after July 3rd. He can't. He's dead.

If we do find a body, expect this group to claim he was murdered by the Coalition Forces and for Al Jazeera to report it as the gospel truth.

I hope I'm wrong. I've been wrong before. I don't mind eating crow. What I do mind is that just because terrorist organization says something that the media automatically reports it as if it were true. These people are serial liars who will say anything convenient to further their goals.

I've been checking out other sites to see if I'm alone in my speculations. Mixed results.

Michele posts some of what the media has to say, but I would suggest taking these reports with a little more than a pinch of salt from outlets that term these terrorists as "insurgents" and "militants".

Kevin and James seem to be leaning the other way. Wishful thinking, but I also hope that the reports turn out to be true.

M. H. King, also quoted by Blogs of War, seems to be on the same wavelength as me: "This smells. Bad."

Spoons has a post titled: "THIS STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN" and he comments "I think this was a set-up from the start," meaning that he believes that Hassoun is AWOL and is in cahoots with the terro-zombies. In the words of Han Solo, "What an interesting smell you've discovered." I don't buy it, but I still give it more credence than the "We caught him, now we're sending him home" ploy that is being played of at Al Jazeera. Mark that one a maybe and put it on the shelf for further review.

Chris Short also says what I'm thinking: "Of course, this could be complete bullshit. Where is the safest place for you to be? Your grave."

Robert Spencer seems to buy that Wassouf is alive: "It is likely that they gave him this option because of his Islamic faith, since the Qur'an forbids Muslims to kill fellow Muslims intentionally (see Sura 4:93)."

Little Miss Atilla, a new blog on my radar screen, says: "It's starting to look like this young man might be alive," but she notes that "the situation is uncertain." We'll put her in the wishful thinking column.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Happy 4th of July

America is blessed above all other nations.

America is the most moral nation in the world.

America is the last great hope for liberty in the world.

God Bless America.

A few lines from some of the hymns I sang at church today (yes, I go to church):
O beautiful for heroes prov'd
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life.
America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev'ry grain divine. (Verse 3, America the Beautiful)

Our fathers' God to Thee,
Author of Liberty,
To thee we sing,
Long may our land be bright
With Freedom's holy light,
Protect us by thy might
Great God, our King. (Verse 4, America)

Oh, thus be it ever when free men shall stand,
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Power that has made and preserved us as a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust";
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
(Verse 4, Star Spangled Banner)

A Sleepy Hollow Independence Day

It is with sad heart that I report that another American got the Ichabod Crane treatment. Although there are conflicting reports, it seems likely that we will have confirmation of Corporal Wassef Ali Hassoun death by tomorrow.

Here's my speculation on the conflicting reports: It seems likely that Cpl Hassoun is dead, but that the whoever is responsible for PR for the Ankara Al-sunny Army (the group behind his kidnapping) realizes the major propaganda blow it would receive if pictures were to be released of a Muslim being killed. We need to understand all of these vicious murders of hostages as what they are: political theater. This political theater is not for US consumption, but is acted out for domestic purposes. That is to say, they are not killing Americans to scare America, they are killing Americans to bolster domestic support.

However, when speaking of "domestic politics" in the Muslim world, it is important to not get trapped into projecting our own cultural metaphors onto them. So, when we in the West talk of a nation, we of course are talking about the modern nation-state, with definable boundaries, UN recognition, etc. But an important aspect of Islam is the notion of the "umma", or the nation of believers. While tribal ties, linguistic differences, ethnic identities are important to Muslims, to those serious about their religious identity the notion of the umma trumps all differences. To the true believer, fellow Muslims of whatever nationality are brothers.

So, why deny killing Cpl. Hassoun? You will recall that in Saudi Arabia, during the Khobar incident, that al Qaeda linked terrorists asked potential victims if they were Muslims. If any answered in the affirmative, they were spared. This does not necessarily mean that Islamists really care if they kill fellow Muslims. Far from it, but they do understand that when it turned out that during a previous bombing campaign in Saudi Arabia that most of the victims were Muslims, popular sentiment began to turn against them. Sparing fellow Muslims, to these murderous bastards, is a way to bolster domestic support.

It is my speculation that Cpl. Hassoun is indeed dead, but that these guys realize that it would not go over well with the domestic public once it was found out that he was a fellow Muslim. Do not expect a body to ever be found.

All the usual suspects are linking this story, so I really have nothing new to offer by way of news. James Joyner, Kevin Aylward, Amanda Doerty, and Jeff Quinton all seem to be keeping up to the minute news posts.

With regret, we must also update the Religion of [Insert Ironic Word Here]'s running tally of hostages murdered. May all of your murderers receive God's justice:

1) Corporal Wassef Ali Hassoun (July 3)

2) Keith M. Maupin (June 28)

3) Kim Sun-il (June 22)

4) Paul Johnson (June 18)

5) Hussein Ali Alyan (June 12)

6) Nick Berg (May 12)

7) Fabrizio Quattrocchi (April 16)

8) Martin Burnham (June 7, 2002)

9) Daniel Pearl (Feb. 2, 2002)

Friday, July 02, 2004

Obligatory Brando Post

From our vast army of paid Imperial informants, comes news that Marlon Brando is dead.

If you are one of the pathetic numbnuts who actually gives a crap, please read this post instead.

If you have some sort of emotional attachment to Marlon Brando, yet feel nothing for Dan Eggers, because you-know, like, he was never on TV and all, I have the following message for you: Please commit suicide. I'm serious.
|
|
|
|
|
Are you still here? Freaking pathetic. Get a life would you.
|
|
|
|
What? I thought I told you to leave!

*sigh*

Ok, here are some sites who are covering the 'tragic' and 'untimely' death of Mr. Brando. Who could have seen that one coming? Oh, yeah, these guys.

Jeff Quinton wastes some valuable space linking various blog coverage.

I think Aaron sums it up nicely:
Grim reaper got the wrong walking liberal planetoid. He got the one with talent, not the right one...
Yeah, that.

Michelle beats me to the punch with this. I think her Awesome-O model robot might have helped.

James has the first part of the statement correct:
I’m not sure who called him “the greatest actor of all time,” but it’s a shame he’s dead in any case.
Yeah, it's a shame...but only in the metaphysical sense that anyone eventually has to die. I've never understood the attachment people have to folks they've never met.

I blame Oprah....and the world-wide gynocracy movement.
|
|
|
|
|
Freak, are you still lurking? Geeze, get a life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, so I came back in to check some e-mail and I see this from Amanda:
He was one of my favorites, and I'll miss him.
Remember what I was saying about Oprah?

Just when I was going to bust a nut, James says what we've all been thinking:
The man was 80 and has been a huge tub of lard for as long as I can remember. Is his cause of death that elusive?
Thank goodness the gynocracy hasn't got to you James!

Religion of [Insert Ironic Word Here]

In the Spirit of re-posting while I migrate to my new digs, I present an updated version of this post. Thanks to Publius for reminding me of Daniel Pearle. RIP.
____________________________________________________
I wasn't able to post on Keith Maupin's murder. I think my message to those that killed him would be...um, you know, what Dick Cheney said. Followed by what Reagan said, that time he thought the cameras were no longer running his remarks....something about bombing. That.

Is anyone keeping a running tally on the Religion of [Insert Ironic Word Here]'s treatment of hostages?

1) Keith M. Maupin (June 28)

2) Kim Sun-il (June 22)

3) Paul Johnson (June 18)

4) Hussein Ali Alyan (June 12)

5) Nick Berg (May 12)

6) Fabrizio Quattrocchi (April 16)

7) Martin Burnham (June 7, 2002)

8) Daniel Pearle (Feb. 2, 2002)

These are just hostages killed after they've been captured. The list does not include people like the parents of Scott Elliot, of Election Projection, who were simply gunned down in the streets. The list also doesn't count hostages killed in the cross-fire during an attempted rescue operation. I compiled the list with a simple Google search, starting with the words 'hostage executed'. If there are others I'm missing, please e-mail me.

Is it just me, or is there a pattern emerging here? Sorry. My bad. Nothing to see here.

PS: I shamelessly linked this piece at the Beltway Jam today hoping to get some more names added to the list,

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Excuse the Mess

I'm in the process of moving to a new digs for My Pet Jawa. It's all part of the Zionist plot to take over the world, I assure you.

For the next few days I'll be busy figuring out how to use Moveable Type and migrating my posts over to the new site. I'll try to double-post for the next few weeks until everything is operating up to government standards.

Religion of [Insert Here]

I wasn't able to post on Keith Maupin's murder. I think my message to those that killed him would be...um, you know, what Dick Cheney said.

Is anyone keeping a running tally on the Religion of [Insert Ironic Word Here]'s treatment of hostages?

1) Keith M. Maupin (June 28)

2) Kim Sun-il (June 22)

3) Paul Johnson (June 18)

4) Hussein Ali Alyan (June 12)

5) Nick Berg (May 12)

6) Fabrizio Quattrocchi (April 16)

7) Martin Burnham (June 7, 2002)

These are just hostages killed after they've been captured. The list does not include people like the parents of Scott Elliot, of Election Projection, who were simply gunned down in the streets. The list also doesn't count hostages killed in the cross-fire during an attempted rescue operation. I compiled the list with a simple Google search, starting with the words 'hostage executed'. If there are others I'm missing, please e-mail me.

Is it just me, or is there a pattern emerging here? Sorry. My bad. Nothing to see here.

10 Dinar Whores

Saddam Hussein reveals he has the heart of Hitler, the mouth of a Mercheant Marine, and likes to address himself using the 'royal we'. AP report (via Wizbang):
"How could Saddam be tried over Kuwait that said it will reduce Iraqi women to 10-dinar prostitutes?" Saddam asked, referring to himself in the third person. "He defended Iraq's honor and revived its historical rights over those dogs."
Oh, yeah, and speaking of 10 dinar whores (also via Kevin):
Yesterday [Jessica Cutler] sold a novel based on her exploits to HyperionDisney (Walt). Her agent, Michael Carlisle of Carlisle & Company, said the price was "a substantial six figures," and Hyperion would not be more specific. Not only did he sell her novel, he said, but she will also pose nude for the November issue of Playboy. Ms. Cutler's novel will be called "The Washingtonienne," after the name of her blog. Mr. Carlisle said that Ms. Cutler would not speak to the press until the book was published, perhaps a year from now.
How much for the back-door, and can you quote me a price in dinars?

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Doing the War on Terror Differently II: Electric Boogaloo

Since our servers seem to be more down than up these days, and since I don't know if I'll have any time to blog in the near future (site-meter be damned!), I've decided to go ahead and commit several of the 7 Deadly Sins of Blogging.

Notice how I artfully combine sins #1-3 all in the same post. All those years spent in Evil Graduate School are beginning to pay off! But since this is an updated re-post, thanks to the many suggestions given by my loyal minions, I'm counting this as a venal rather than mortal sin.

I'll see you in Purgatory!
----------------------------
John Kerry and supporters claim they "support the War-on-Terror, but think it should be done differently."

When asked to clarify what differently means, they say, "You know, different."

By different I assume they mean one of two things:

1) The same, only John Kerry doing it.
or
2) Different, only not actually fighting the War-on-Terror.

Well Frank J. finally comes up with a different solution that I wholly endorse. I'm sure that if Al Gore had been President, rather than Shrimp-Chub-Bush, than such forward-looking technology would have been fully implemented and the terrorists' plans foiled.

Other possible ways of fighting the War-on-Terror differently?

My crack team at the Ministry of Propaganda focused grouped leading leftist intellectuals, and came up with the following concrete plans to defeat terrorism:
The Delta Team option. Yeah, that Chuck Norris can really kick ass. Not the Walker Chuck Norris. The other one.

The A Team defense. Note: Stock up on super-secret knock-out pills for BA before executing.

The 007 plan. Going mano-i-mano with with the evil genius, Dr. bin Laden. Lot's of sex, but only the PG-13 kind.

The Goonies tactic. Ignored misfits battle al-Qaida while adults are oblivious.

The Rambo II idea. Sorry. We already used that one in Afghanistan. My bad. These things only work once.

The Red Dawn crusade. Same as the Goonies tactic, only planned by John Hughes and executed by leading teen heart-throbs.

The Jack Ryan effect. No! Not Ben Affleck. You think Affleck could single-handedly defeat terror? That's crazy talk. Harrison Ford. Definitely Harrison Ford.

The Jackie Chan device. As per EEOC rules, a black sidekick will be provided.

The ID-4 program. Al Qaeda joins forces with the UN to fight invading alien menace. No, not the aliens Jimmy Carter saw. You know, the real ones.

The Adam Sandler gimmick. We didn't like this one either, but the focus group thought that he must have some national security value. Why else would his face be on all the buses if not to ward off an attack?

The Wargames plan: Engaging terrorists in a neverending game of tic-tac-toe. Eventually, they learn the valuable lesson that in war, no-one wins. (via Legal XXX)

The Real Genius plan: Brilliant, yet loveably wacky, students infiltrate a top secret military base and pull an AWESOME prank on their nogoodnik professor, who obviously is an Al Qaeda operative. NOTE: this plan requries lots and lots of popcorn. (via Legal XXX)

The MacGyver manouver: We track down the terrorists using a GPS system made from an old transistor radio, a GameBoy, and a TV remote, cobbled together using only our Swiss Army Knives and a pack of Wrigley's. (via Brian B.)

Operation Breakfast Club: Get a stoner, a jock, a princess, a dork, and a social reject and assemble them in an Afghani library. Then tell them that Bender's dope is in Osama's underpants and let the war on terror begin. (via MB2)

The Debbie Does Dallas design: Does the plot really matter?
Have an idea on how to win the War on Terror differently? E-mail me.

Why I Hate Government

Yes, I work for a state-run university. Our internet connection has been down for days.

Last Friday they tried to blame it on an internet worm.

Monday they sent out an e-mail saying it was a problem with a new on-campus server.

Yesterday they tried to blame an off-site switch run by the state.

I am still waiting for today's excuse. I just hope I can post something before it goes down again.

Not that working for a state-run institution is to blame for any one problem.

Working for the state simply means that those responsible for the problems won't get fired, and then the problems will simply repeat themselves over and over.

This is why I hate the government today: civil-service tenure.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

The Seven Deadly Sins of Blogging

You miss a day blogging. No time for a serious hard-hitting post. Hits are down. What do you do? Engage in the blogosphere's oldest vice: Link dropping!!!

But that's just one of the mortal vices of blogging. What are the others?

Rusty Shackleford presents: The Seven Deadly Sins of Blogging: a brief guide.*

1) The Link Drop Post: Steven Taylor and I prove kindrid souls on this one. Don't think this one works? Do you actually believe Glenn Reynolds was born Satan's right-hand man or had to work on it?

2) Search Terms Post: Google not treating you right? BRD has a full discourse on the merits of porn and conspiracy theories. Sure fire way to up the ol' sitemeter .....and send your soul right to Beelzebub's dominion.

3) The Re-post Post: Had a popular post in the past? Hits down? Ace re-introduces us to one of his greatest hit-jobs. Remember, this sin sometimes counts double.

4) The Blogroll Post: Get bloggers attention fast! The Llama Butchers are ordered to do 5 Hail Mary's and an Our Father for jeapordizing their immortal souls.

5) The Breaking News Post: The blogger ethos requires a link to the first person breaking the story. MH King, Amanda Doerty, Jeff Quinton, James....I say to you repent!!

6) The Caption Contest Post: Win the caption, get a link. See how this works? This sin seems to be reserved for Fridays. Shame on you Kevin!

7) The Recipricol Link Post: Want to up your TTLB Ecosystem rating? Easy. Start an 'Alliance' of 'like-minded bloggers' to recipricate links. (via Commissar) Jessica and Boi From Troi are warned that this mortal sin will not go unpunished!!

In the Name of He Who Rules the Blogosphere I Warn All of You to Repent! Any other Bloggers who engage in these sins have been forwarned. Hell-fire and brimstone await if you do not change your wicked ways!

*Mia Culpa. Yes, I have been guilty of all these vile acts in the past. I have seen the light! I once was lost, but now I'm saved.....

Friday, June 25, 2004

Server Down

Hear that sound? That's the sound of me ripping my eyeballs out. The servers are all down around here. No posts today. Agghhhh!!!!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Doing The War on Terror Differently...

John Kerry and supporters claim they "support the War-on-Terror, but think it should be done differently."

When asked to clarify what differently means, they say, "You know, different."

By different I assume they mean one of two things:

1) The same, only John Kerry doing it.
or
2) Different, only not actually fighting the War-on-Terror.

Well Frank J. finally comes up with a different solution that I wholly endorse. I'm sure that if Al Gore had been President, rather than Shrimp-Chub-Bush, than such forward-looking technology would have been fully implemented and the terrorists' plans foiled.

Other possible ways of fighting the War-on-Terror differently?

My crack team at the Ministry of Propaganda focused grouped leading leftist intellectuals, and came up with the following concrete plans to defeat terrorism:
The Delta Team option. Yeah, that Chuck Norris can really kick ass. Not the Walker Chuck Norris. The other one.

The A Team defense. Note: Stock up on super-secret knock-out pills for BA before executing.

The 007 plan. Going mano-i-mano with with the evil genius, Dr. bin Laden. Lot's of sex, but only the PG-13 kind.

The Goonies tactic. Ignored misfits battle al-Qaida while adults are oblivious.

The Rambo II idea. Sorry. We already used that one in Afghanistan. My bad. These things only work once.

The Red Dawn crusade. Same as the Goonies tactic, only planned by John Hughes and executed by leading teen heart-throbs.

The Jack Ryan effect. No! Not Ben Affleck. You think Affleck could single-handedly defeat terror? That's crazy talk. Harrison Ford. Definitely Harrison Ford.

The Jackie Chan device. As per EEOC rules, a black sidekick will be provided.

The ID-4 program. Al Qaeda joins forces with the UN to fight invading alien menace. No, not the aliens Jimmy Carter saw. You know, the real ones.

The Adam Sandler gimmick. We didn't like this one either, but the focus group thought that he must have some national security value. Why else would his face be on all the buses if not to ward off an attack?

The Wargames plan: Engaging terrorists in a neverending game of tic-tac-toe. Eventually, they learn the valuable lesson that in war, no-one wins. (via Legal XXX)

The Real Genius plan: Brilliant, yet loveably wacky, students infiltrate a top secret military base and pull an AWESOME prank on their nogoodnik professor, who obviously is an Al Qaeda operative. NOTE: this plan requries lots and lots of popcorn. (via Legal XXX)

The MacGyver manouver: We track down the terrorists using a GPS system made from an old transistor radio, a GameBoy, and a TV remote, cobbled together using only our Swiss Army Knives and a pack of Wrigley's. (via Brian B.)
Have an idea on how to win the War on Terror differently? E-mail me.

Kim Sun-il Beheading Video Released

Backcountry Conservative just notified me that the video of Kim Sun-il being beheaded has been released.

Via Wizbang comes word that the vid is posted at a couple of pretty bad porn sites. Go to Wizbang for the links as they are not safe for work.

Amanda Doerty has pics from the video.

UPDATE: BRD of Anticipatory Retaliation has a direct link to the video. I recommend clicking from his blog rather than going to Ogrish that site. I just have this thing about spiking the sitemeter of a place where beastiality is a theme. Call me odd like that...

Why do you need to see the pics?

Because they will make you mad.

Very mad.

They will stiffen your resolve to fight this war.

They will remind you why we must win.

If you are not outraged. If these pictures lessen your resolve to fight, please move to Spain. We don't want you here.

Word of the Day

The word of the day is sycophancy.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

FWS Takes Moonbats Off Endangered Species List

Bill at INDC goes undercover for the Fish and Wildlife Service only to discover that Moonbats are no longer an endangered species.

Don't drink milk while reading.

Note to Bill: You've got the translation all wrong.

This particular dialect of Jawa reads: "I had Peter Fonda in me."

Operation Shoe Fly

Simon has agreed to give money to Operation Shoe Fly for every additional click he gets. How can you help? Simply click this link. That's it. No strings attached.

PS-If you are a new blogger, he is also hosting the New Blog Showcase.

Double-lizzle PS-Big things afoot here. BIG THINGS. Special thanks to BRD for extending the first invite, and to Simon for relentlessly pushing the issue. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say no more.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Saddam Letter Exclusive

From our vast army of paid Imperial informants, comes news of an intercepted letter from Saddam Hussein. Military censors have blacked out all but 17 words. Using a secret Sith mind trick, Rusty Shackleford has been able to piece together the missing 9 lines.

Uncensored quotes are in bold. Data gleaned from the dark-side of the force are in italics:

In the name of God the Merciful,
What up G-Dawgs?
Did the crime, doing the time. I can handle it. I'm hard.
The food is aight, but what's up with all the pork?
As a new disciple of Elijah Muhammad, I no-longer eat the White Devil's food.
This one gaurd tried to get a piece of my action. When she pulled out a dog leash,
I was like, "Yo-yo, step back girl before I go Halabja on your ass." Jew Bitch.

To my small family and my big family, salaam alekum.
How is Bufay's diet coming along? Atkins might help.
How is al-Zarqawi doing with my plans? Operation Ichabod Crane?
Anyhoo, at least we have my buddy in-Laden-beh (wink) to keep things moving.

As for my spirit and my morale, they are high, thanks to greatness of God.
And say hello to everyone.

XOXOXO-Saddam Hussein
________________________________________
On a serious note, James at OTB makes a good point that needs to be reemphasized:
Certainly, that fact that he’s able to write letters indicates that he’s being treated far better than he deserves.
Indeed.

Germany edges out Arkansas in per capita GDP

I'd say this calls for some cowbell, only this other dude has the market cornered. (hat tip MikeO)

Korean Kim Sun-il Beheaded

UPDATE: 10 More Hostages Face Innevetable Death.

News from our Religion of Peas desk: Kim Sun-il Dead (hat tip Backcountry Conservative)

This Post to be Updated Frequently:
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - An Iraqi militant group has beheaded its South Korean hostage, Al-Jazeera television reported Tuesday.
From the WaPo:
Kim was shown in the videotape kneeling, blindfolded and wearing an orange jumpsuit similar to those issued to prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The tape showed five hooded men standing behind Kim, one reading a statement and gesturing with his right hand. Another captor had a big knife slipped in his belt.

The video as broadcast did not show Kim being executed.

Al-Jazeera said the video claimed the execution was carried out by the al Qaeda-linked group Monotheism and Jihad.
Lest you forget, Monotheism and Jihad is the group led by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the man who brought you such beheadings as Nick Berg....
Kim's kidnappers had initially threatened to kill him at sundown Monday unless South Korea canceled a troop deployment to Iraq. The Seoul government rejected the demand, standing firm with plans to dispatch 3,000 soldiers starting in August.
South Korea receives the prestigious "We're Not Spain" Award for not caving in to terrorist demands.

Kim Sun-il, may your soul rest in peace and may your killers rot in hell.

James Joyner has links to the blog reactions. As always, the Command Post will bring you news as it breaks. Jeff Quinton is also a good resource. When the pictures surface, I'm sure Kevin at Wizbang will be first to notify us.

From Jeff Quinton: U.S. forces have found his body west of Baghdad per Fox News.
From LA's Channel 7 website:
The man's body was found by the U.S. military between Baghdad and Fallujah, west of the capital.
Is it just me, or could this be seen as evidence that al-Zarqawi had killed Kim previous to the deadline they gave the South Koreans? Also, many have speculated that Kim was held hostage in Fallujah. Yes, let's negotiate with these people.

Retaliation update: Possible Good News
The United States launched an airstrike Tuesday in Fallujah on a safehouse used by followers of Jordanian terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi-- the second strike against the terror network in three days, the U.S. military said.
Don't Blame Islam Mmmm-kay Update: Amanda Doerty writes one the stupidest things I've ever seen written by someone I'm linked to:
But I do hope we all remember that the people who did this do not represent the beliefs of Islam or of all people in the Middle East. Most of them are probably just as apalled as us--they're just more used to seeing it happen to people they know. There are extremists in most every religion or belief system out there. The problem is not any particular ideology; the problem is any version of any ideology that does not respect life and individual liberties, and would have those who hold it use physical force against others to make them adhere to it.
Yes, that's why those extremist Buddhists are always...wait a sec.

Perhaps she should read this Religion of Peas and Beheadings Update via James at OTB:
Afghan soldiers beheaded four Taliban fighters after guerrillas cut off the heads of an Afghan interpreter for U.S.-led forces and an Afghan soldier, a government commander said on Tuesday.
Hmmm, let's see....that's, what, 6 heads cut off in one day?

Or how about this poll as translated by the folks at the World's Most Alarmist Website:
22 June 2004 - IslamToday.net poll shows 91% support and approve of the Johnson beheading
Of course, that is an unscientific poll....mind you.

Bomb Al Jazeera Now Update: From their English website which is notorious for toning down their rhetoric:
A South Korean translator working for a company that supplies equipment to US occupation forces in Iraq has been executed after a deadline set by his captors passed.
Notice how Kim Sung Il is linked to the US occupation, thus justifying him as a legitimate target?
In a videotape received by Aljazeera, the resistance group Jamat al-Tawhid and Jihad said it was fulfilling a pledge it made yesterday that the 33-old-year South Korean translator Kim Sun-Il would be beheaded if their demands were not met by South Korean government.
Yes. They wrote 'resistance group'.

Why You Need to See & Hear Update: Misha say's it well:
His Imperial Majesty was unfortunate enough to hear a soundtrack of Mr. Sun-il pleading for his life while his cowardly, ragheaded follower of a pedophile captors were threatening to saw his head off.

In our opinion, that recording should be played over and over again to remind us all of the nature of the pigs that we're fighting, but it won't happen.
Amen, brotha. Amen.

Please see my Discurssive of Terrorism: Or, How Chomsky Killed Paul Johnson for a more thorough explanation of why I think you should see these gruesome images. You think you're mad now? After you see you will feel worse. Rage is the appropriate response.

Why Putin Loves Bush

Q) Why did Putin endorse Bush? A) Chechnya. Putin Orders Military to Find, Destroy Chechen Insurgents

Do you think it only a coincidence that this offensive comes only a week after Putin reveals information that bolsters Bush's Iraq claims? Bush sees Chechnya as part of the larger War on Terror, Kerry does not. Speaking from first-hand experience, Chechnya is a big deal in Russia.

Countries do not have friends. Countries have interests.

Misleading Adjectives Watch

Misleading adjectives watch: a brief guide (with apologies to Bill at INDC).

Gordon, the Cranky Neocon, reminded me of the endless possibilities created in yesterday's post. And even though BRD would like to see the adjective mounting used to it's fullest potential, other words also come to mind.

Feel free to add your suggestions. As per EEOC rules, adverbs and nouns accepted.

1) casualties mounting - No Lazarus effect. Total casualties increase by definition.

2) national debt rising - What, no chapter 11 for the Feds? Even if the deficit was $1, the national debt would increase.

3) costs increasing - And if you add 1 + 2, you get 3. Genius.

4) firebrand cleric - Jerry Falwell, right? (from Cranky Neocon)

5) moderate cleric - eg, Mussolini was a moderate fascist.

6)presumptive nominee - Because 1/1,000,000,000,000 is still a chance. (from Cranky Neocon)

7) hardline regime - Doesn't using the word regime to describe a country's government pretty much say it all?

8) moderate regime - Same as #7--only they're our SOBs.

9) Bush regime - Saddam...Bush...six of one, half a dozen of the other.

10) al Qaeda links - Bush regime lying that Saddam planned 9/11.

11) al Qaeda ties - No links to Saddam as the Bush regime would like you to believe.

12) rogue regime - See, #7--only any country that is not the UN's biyatch. (idea stolen from Ace of Spades)

13) executed hostage - Prisoners are executed. Hostages are murdered. (idea stolen from Balloon Juice via Backcountry Conservative)

Monday, June 21, 2004

BS Alert

When is a phrase stupid? When the phrase is a truism that is used to bolster a spurious argument.

Here's what I mean.

Pat Buchanan in today's WND (hat tip Grimey):
Yet, now we have 138,000 soldiers there, with casualties mounting, the cost rising and the hostility to America's presence growing
Ok, am I the only one to see the problem here? I have noticed the same phraseology used over and over again in the unbiased press.

What is wrong with this? casualties mounting

Unless people are coming back to life, then by definition casualties always mount.

The way the phrase is used is to imply that things are steadily getting worse, but the phrase itself means nothing of the sort. For instance, if 599 people died last year but only one died this year I could rightly say, "Casualties are mounting."

Why/ Because 600 is greater than 599, even though there may be a dramatic decline in the rate of casualties. If we are looking at total deaths, this is true.

The same is true of this phrase: cost rising

Costs always rise. If we spend one dollar this year, and 500 billion last year, the costs rise. If we are looking at total dollars spent, this is true.

Rising and lowering all depend on one very important assumption: the baseline used for comparison. Depending on which baseline you choose, you will get very different outcomes.

So, next time these types of phrases are used to describe any one of the following, please, put your BS detector on and be careful what you believe: budget deficit, debt, casualties, support, hostility, trade imbalances, employment, inflation, etc.

APSA Panel on Anti-Semitism

It's funny, because it's true. The thing is, I think I went to a panel just like this at the last American Political Science Association meeting I went to. I once had to sit through one paper on how the Earth Liberation Front was the vangaurd of the coming revolution. No joke.

Chomsky kills Paul Johnson, Part Deux

You think my earlier rant on the use of language was whacko?

*sigh*

From the I hate being right department comes this news (via Drudge). Notice the words used to describe Johnson, not as a non-combatant, but as a man involved in the murder of children. Noam Chomsky believes the same thing:
In an article posted Sunday on a Web site used by Islamic radicals, Abdulaziz al-Moqrin called Johnson "an infidel, a warrior of the military."

Johnson, who had worked on Apache helicopters for Lockheed Martin in Saudi Arabia, "works for military aviation and he belongs to the American army, which kills, tortures and harms Muslims everywhere, which supports enemies (of Islam) in Palestine, Philippines, Kashmir," al-Moqrin wrote.

The article, posted on the Web site "Sout al-Jihad," or "Voice of Holy War," was written after the kidnapping but apparently before Johnson was killed on Friday.

Al-Moqrin replied to critics urging the release of Johnson, saying: "Do those people want to see this infidel carry on the killing of the children and the raping of the women in Baghdad and Kabul?"
The thing is, I think it is reasonable to assume that al Moqrin actually believes this. If you watch al Jazeera, if Edward Said was the source of your information, or if you read 'moderate' Arabic newspapers than you would also believe this. The American military kills, rapes, tortures, and oppresses everywhere they go.

Mickey Mouse on Al Jazeera

From the better late than never file come two notable posts that my crazy wacko theories on the value of propaganda during war are starting to gain an audience.

First, according to Allah there was a time when working for the Disney corporation meant more than enjoying the benefits of gay-marriage. My own thoughts on the video were posted here a couple of weeks ago. Why should you buy the collection of Disney WWII propaganda films?
All in all, worth getting. If only to remember a time when Hollywood took sides during a war.
I think I have been saying this, since, um, like my very first real post here:
In a real war, against real enemies, we need some good old fashioned, sweet down-home, funny, bigotted propoganda. Tell me, what would the "greatest generation" think of liberal wusses cringing at words like "kraut" and "nip"? Remember all those great bugs-bunny cartoons demonizing the Nazis? "Nazis is zee craziest people!" Rip-roaring fun with a message: the enemy is real and we are better than they.
Second, James Joyner points out that my literal calls for blowing up al Jazeera are beginning to get some attention in the mainstream press. According to James:
The mere fact that al-Jazeera calls itself a news organization does not make it so. Stopping them from broadcasting enemy propaganda isn’t the same as trampling free speech.
I have been saying since day one that al Jazeera must be treated as an enemy, however on one major point James gets it wrong. Stopping al Jazeera is trampling on free speech. It is the very definition of trampling on free speech. But that's just it. Free speech cannot exist in a time of war.

When we declare war we are declaring an end to all the niceties of peace. If we can legitimately take away our enemies lives in combat, then certainly we can take away their right to speak out against us. See this post for a more lengthy argument see my post 'State of War'.

Deepest Sympathy

Thomas, the force behind Rumcrook's Tavern, has some very sad news. His wife passed away. All I can say is that I'm sad. Very sad. My heart goes out to you and yours.

Please include him and his family in your prayers.