Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Imperial Candidate for Emperor sells soul!

Is this for real? Can it be that George Soros is so afraid of the ascendency of Michael Cooper's campaign to be the next Democratic candidate that he bought the 'tard out? I'm, what's the word, stupified. Apparently, a front for billionaire George Soros' political activity, has made Coop an offer he couldn't refuse. Update: Apparently Cooper's minions struck back. Why do I get the feeling that if Misha ever got hold of Coop that he'd do more than pour some glue on his head?

Note to Soros: This site for sale!

Don't blame Islam...EVER!

Blame anybody, just don't blame Islam. EVER. Its just a small minority. Our Imperial network of paid informants report this out of Mos Fallujah
Jubilant residents dragged the charred corpses of four foreigners--one a woman, at least one an American _ through the streets Wednesday and hanged them from the bridge spanning the Euphrates River....

"Fallujah is the graveyard of Americans,'' residents cheered after the grisly assault on two four-wheel-drive civilian vehicles, which left both in flames. Others chanted, "We sacrifice our blood and souls for Islam.''
In related news, a suspect in the Jakarta hotel bombings has been arrested and confessed. Apparently, he was confused over whether or not murdering women and children was ok in Islam. After discovering that his involvement in the plot led to murder he says,
I suddenly wondered if these are in accordance with Islam - that we plant bombs and make our escape and then find out later that those who die are children and women....I became confused over my loyalty [to Jemaah Islamiyah].
Hmm, yeah, I see the dilemma. That's a toughie. You know, its not all black and white and all that.

Oh yeah, and speaking of not blaming Islam, let's peg the problem on poverty. Yeah, poverty, that's it. News out of jolly ol' England seems to confirm my hypothesis:
Security chiefs yesterday warned the enemy within or home-grown radicalised terrorists were behind the plot unmasked on Tuesday to blast London with a series of spectacular explosions. They live with their mothers, go to university and hold down respectable jobs -- and, in the wake of London's biggest Islamist terror scare, they are seen as the British capital's biggest threat.

The arrests seemed to confirm widely held fears that young, mostly middle-class British East-Asians were being so radicalised by extreme forms of Islam that they were prepared to kill their fellow citizens.

The suspects were said to have been outwardly respectable and leading normal lives in suburbia.
See, poverty! Oh wait, er, there has to be a perfectly acceptable alternative. I know, its alienation. That's it. These guys were outcasts. Social misfits. The kids who don't fit in:
A TALENTED cricketer touted as a future England player is among the suspects police fear are the new face of terror in Britain.
Hmm, well, that doesn't PROVE anything!

Oh, well, not enough time to finish the post. Maybe later. But in the meantime remember this: DON'T BLAME ISLAM!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Communist Plot to Ruin Blog Experiment Revealed!

Today that commie-pinko-bastard the Commissar decided to ruin my blog experiment by putting me on his newest bloggahland map! His map of the "Vast Warlike Confederation" is absolutely brilliant, but I'm afraid its going to affect Rusty Shackleford's site meter--thus killing all hopes of validating his own Unified Theory of Blogging! I especially like the fact that Rusty is in the "Comic" tribe along with such big-whigs as Allah, Iowahawk, IMAO, and the Commissar himself. I wonder if the blog experiment could be salvaged if he'd only add that hot Iraqi blonde chick to the land of Amazons?

Monday, March 29, 2004

The Watermelon Party of God

You know the old joke: Q: What fruit is the Green Party most like? A: The Watermelon. It's green on the outside and red in the middle.

Well, today its seems that radical Islamists would also like to adopt the watermelon as their fruit of choice. The sacred color green is just a thin veneer for the deeper cause of socialism for some in the movement:
...the future Khilafah state will not take the Muslim world to a mythical medieval theocratic model, but rather will advance the world under an enlightened social, economic and political order. Indeed this system is best placed to deal with the inequalities, injustice and corporate terror felt by most under Capitalism.
Nice. I always wondered what else, besides a rabid hatred of Jews, the left-wingers in Berkeley had in common with radical Islamists. Now I know.

Also from that site, we learn that terrorism is bad, mmm-kay. Thank you Islam! Of course, there is a means/ends problem with the manifesto. Much like the kinder-gentler Marxists on college campuses the world over, this utopian vision should be achieved through non-violent means. Nice. Why does this all sound so familiar?
Western governments have demonstrated that they have little regard for Muslim life. They have also exhibited their deep animosity toward Islam through their speech and deeds. We ask you how can they be the source of security for Muslims? The security and sanctity of Muslim life and non-Muslim life can only be realized through the Islamic ideology and its implementation through the Islamic Khilafah State. Working to uproot Western interference in the Islamic world requires political work to re-establish the Khilafah state in the Muslim lands. This state will place our political destiny back into our hands and allow this Ummah to take control over her resources. This state will stand against Western imperialism in all its forms.
I see, so your telling me not to be afraid of you because you don't want to bomb us? But somehow the prospects of religious fanatics ruling me is somehow less ominous? And, by the way, do we need look any farther than Iran, Sudan, or Northern Nigeria to see what your ideal state would look like in practice? Oh, not to mention the Taliban in Afghanistan. I remember my Marxist friends always chiding me that China and the Soviet Union weren't "real socialism." I love Utopians. Never let the facts get in the way of theory.

But wait, EUrodhimmis, there's more!
At a time when Islam and Muslims are under attack from vicious propaganda Muslims in Europe must stand firm for the universality of the Islamic ideology. They must work as part of a global Islamic agenda, which sees as its primary goal the reestablishment of the Khilafah state and the implementation of the Islamic ideology.
And how can Muslims in Europe work toward the world-wide Islamic state? First, by assisting in the global call for the Islamic state:
The obstacles to the application of Islam are the Muslim rulers, who are the surrogates of the Western states in the Muslim world. We need to become a voice for political change in the Muslim world. Muslims in the West have the ability to speak and to address the challenges faced in the Muslim lands under their tyrant dictatorships. Holding the view that living in the West means we must distance ourselves from our Ummah and her vital issue is a clear contradiction to Islam..
It just gets better and better. Remember Samuel Huntington's thesis that a Clash of Civilization's was at hand? Well, Muslims quickly denounced the book as inflaming already tense relations. But listen to the words that the Islamists themselves use;
Secondly - To present Islam in the West as an ideology and an alternative civilization We need to address the West with the intellectual strength of Islam and to call the thinkers in the West to visualize the great civilisation of Islam, as it was and will one day arise when the Khilafah state returns.
Pause. Rewind. Its at this point that they interject that "the future Khilafah state will not take the Muslim world to a mythical medieval theocratic model"? So do you want to restore a society that once existed? One that definitely was theocratic and even barbaric? Or are we trying to envision this futuristic utopia you propose? Oh, I'm sorry. Apparently consistency is the hobgoblin of the weak minded and all that. But I digress.

This site seems to be run by an organization in Great Brittain. The third thing they want is to safeguard Muslim communities and make them examples to their foreign hosts
We must safeguard the Muslim community in Britain from dilution with alien values. Muslim communities should become model communities that exhibit the advanced values that Islam gave us.
What "advanced values" would those be? Female circumcision? Honor killings? Hate speech?
We must not isolate ourselves into ghettos, or run to adopt the western values for the sake of appeasing critics. Rather we must maintain our values, our identity and demonstrate these values in our trade, relationships, Akhlaaq (morals), interactions and dealings with the people in the West.
Again, isn't there a contradiction here? You act as if your British hosts were out to get you. You tell your people that they must limit cultural interaction with the country that gives you the freedom to spout off this evil vision of the world. Then, you say you shouldn't ghettoize yourselves? How does this mesh with your anti-assimilationist message? I don't get it. Moving on..
Our Mosques should become centres of excellence and learning not centres for sectarian division.
I would settle for centers of mediocrity that weren't filled with genocidal sermons.
Our marriages should be examples of tranquillity and stability.
You know, spare the rod - spoil the broad and all that.
Our youth should exhibit the good akhlaaq (morals) and the best attributes, excelling in all areas, rather than become by-products of British ‘yob culture’. Our women should show the true examples of modesty and honour, resisting the call to discard her identity for the false notions of liberation.
False notions of liberation, like not getting stoned to death for being a slut.
By Allah (subhanahu wa ta'aala) leave such a community will shine in the moral and social decline that envelopes the Western world and will act to divert the propaganda war fought on a state level to hide the truth about Islam and its strength of thought and civilisation.
Er, which propaganda war would that be. I'm sorry, I was under the impression that it was 'hate speech' in jolly old England to call one of you fascists bastards...well, a fascist bastard.

The end of the article is a poetic call for Muslims in England to join the world-wide revolution.
O Muslims in Britain!

You are a part of a global Ummah and you need to join the global Islamic call. Muslims all over the world are contributing their time, energies and even their lives to bring the shade of Allah’s deen over the Muslims and over all mankind. Work with us in establishing Allah’s deen, presenting the truth of Islam and build our communities on the correct foundations. This is the agenda the Muslims in the West must abide by, for soon we will witness the new dawn, the emergence of a new civilisation and the first step towards the shifting of western hegemony the world over.
Folks, World War III has started, yet the West has not accepted this fact. It is as if Pearl Harbor happened, we had already fought the battle of Midway, yet America would not admit it was at war with Japan. Radical Muslims understand that war has been declared, and contrary to what they think, it was they who declared it. This war is global and has many fronts. In Iraq, in Europe, even in the US.

Like the Cold War, there will be many enemies who will water down the message. They said that communism was compatible with many of our democratic values. They just didn't get our objections then, and the Islamists just don't get our objections now. Whether or not you have a bloody revolution or vote into office a state that takes away all my property and all of my liberties is irrelevant. In the end, you still become a slave to the state. So to with the Islamic state. I don't care whether you renounce terrorism or not. If you get your way I become a second-class citizen and a slave to your notion of godly morality. I will not be your god's shahid.

Regardless of whether we should have gone into Iraq, we are there now. Victory in this new civilizational type of warfare requires that we set up a functioning liberal democracy. This is a war of values. Defeating a government is no longer enough. If we let Iraq slide into the barbarism that is Sharia law and let it become an Islamic state, we have lost this front of the war. If you EUrodhimmis let the Islamists slowly take over your continent, then we have an even bigger problem. The next front in this war will, once again, be the beaches of Normandy...

Hmmm, invade France? On second thought, maybe that isn't such a bad idea.

Oh Jebus, Thank You!

Today I proved, once again, that I am the most powerful force on the internet! Oh, my week is starting off on a high note. As you know, my weekend post was a diatribe against Arab news outlets that incite murder against our troops and our allies. The gist of the post was that such papers and TV stations need to be shut down immediately. How did CENCOM respond? CNN reports:
The U.S.-led civil administration in Iraq closed the Baghdad newspaper Al Hawsa for 60 days, accusing its publishers of inciting violence against coalition troops....The Coalition Provisional Authority accused the paper's editors of printing articles that incited violence against U.S. and other coalition troops -- a violation of coalition regulations.

The building was sealed, and anyone caught attempting to publish the paper could face up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.
Ah, once again vindicated.

No time to post my complete thoughts on the subject, but I will leave you with this. Which media outlet wishes our troops to die more: CNN or Al Jazeera? Read the two articles and tell me you see any difference between the two. Hint: Notice the headline and lead in both stories.

For a different take on the subject, The Bull has some thoughts.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Why we need censorship

Why isn’t Central Command issuing the orders to shut these people the hell up?
Moqtada al-Sadr delivered a charged sermon at Friday prayers at a mosque near the holy city of Najaf, blasting Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon for the killing of Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, founder of Hamas…

He accused the United States of complicity in Yassin's killing and said Iraqis should be react to the assassination "in the way that satisfies God."
Do you think the American occupation authorities would have let the Germans and Japs (who, contrary to popular myth, did not welcome the Americans as “liberators”) spew these kind of veiled threats at our troops? Would Macarthur have let, say, an Argentinean newspaper reporters write this kind of garbage? Why is this media outlet still allowed in-country? Why do we allow any journalists in the country who call people killing our friends and neighbors “resistance fighters”? Why don't we jail reporters that have contacts with people who are trying to kill us? Why don't we bomb media outlets that openly encourage the deaths of our soldiers? Are they not enemies too?

These media outlets are aiding and abedding our enemies. Worse than that, they empower the small minority who resist our efforts to bring freedom and prosperity to the Iraqi people by making them believe they have widespread popular support. This media propaganda directly leads to the death of our soldiers and to our allies in the Iraqi police force.

And what about the traitors among us? Hundreds of thousands of people died under the monster Saddam Hussein, yet who does Noam Chomsky choose to call murderers? Shock and awe: Americans!! This man’s vitriol against the United States empowers our enemies. This kind of talk provides the intellectual fodder for terrorists. Terrorists attack America because they think we are evil. If the US was as bad as Chomsky claims it is, then the terrorists would be completely justified in declaring war on us.

Words matter. Loose lips do indeed sink ships. Liberal/leftist traitorous pussies, shut the hell up and let our troops finish the job!

(Post #1 in blogging experiment)

Blog experiment

Due to the success of a "friend's" blog, I have come up with the following experiment which will conclusively prove the Unified Theory of Blogging. To see the theoretical underpinnings of the experiment, I suggest you read the afforementioned post. It seems to be a good theory, but all good theories must be tested. Further, I reject the notion that content matters as much as many seem to emphasize. In fact, I believe that of the various factors leading to a successful blog, content may be the least important one. What I propose instead is that personality matters most. That is, people have emotional attachments to the person writing the blog. The more charasmatic the individual, the more popular the blog will be. Thus:
Hypothesis: All things being equal, a blog by a fake hot soldier in Iraq will have more readers than a blog by an obscure fictional cartoon character.
Readership, for this experiment, will be determined by three things:

1) Total number of hits.
2) Total number of comments.
3) Average time spent on the site.

Since I'm not going to do rigorous statistical analysis, I'm not proposing any complicated null hypothesis. The experiment will be simple and straight forward. My "friend" and I will post the exact same content on both websites for one week. If "her" site get's more hits, as I believe it will, we can say that certain personality traits boost readership. The three most important attributes, of course, being breasts, blonde hair, and military service in Iraq.

Any suggestions on how to better run the experiment will be welcome.

Update: I'm going to be republishing this page every time my "friend" does her page, so sorry for any inconvenience.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Hot Chicks in Iraq

Ok, so yesterday Commissar challenged me to think about what kinds of blogs sell. Apparently ones, like mine, that criticise the "religion of peas" aren't that hot. So, as anyone with half a brain knows already, I "found" a site written by a hot "Iraqi blonde".

Would it surprise any one to know that my number one referrer is now the "Iraqi blonde" site?? *Sigh* That is just sad. For my normal crew of devoted readers here is a big hint: Check Nicki's e-mail in the comments bar.

Any one else who finds the site on a Google search and doesn't make it here will just have to suffer the consequences.

PS- Apologies to the Grand Vizier. We'll go halfsies on the therapy man.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Iraqi Blondes and Porn-Quotes

UPDATE: Iraqi Blonde Found, and she's hot!

Remember that Seinfeld episode about porn-quotes? You know, where George keeps trying to tempt people into buying a computer by saying, "There's porn. They have stock quotes." Finally he just shortens it to "porn-quotes."

Well Commissar has noticed that all the good blogs (and by "good" I mean "high traffic") are either written from Iraq or by a hot blonde. But what if your an Iraqi blonde? I think a new word has entered the blog lexicon.

"There's blogs from Iraq. They have blonde chick blogs. Iraqi-blondes!"

He even suggested the following definition:
So now 'Iraqi Blonde' is shorthand for "the ultimate, best-written, most entertaining and informative, blog?"

As in, "Michele is insightful, but she's no Iraqi blonde."
More like, Rusty Shackleford is an insightful genius, but he's no Iraqi-blonde!"

Hanson Home Run--again

VDH. VDH. How I love the sound of that name....*sigh*....truly, I have a hetero-man-crush on you. Your post today was brilliant! After I get tenure, I promise to follow in your footsteps, but I know my lame attempts at writing suck compared to you. Your A-Rod, I'm baseball-playing-Jordan. Your lament of the fall of classical liberalism in the Democratic Party is spot on. Just yesterday, you will recall, I lamented the same thing. Where have you gone FDR? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. What's that you say Mr. Hanson, FDR has left and gone away?

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

FDR 2004!

Andrew Sullivan joins International Day of Mourning. It's true. And by "true" I mean "false". What I really mean is he joined us in spirit. Ok, normally the Imperial Undersecratary of Propoganda (me) doesn't read Andrew Sullivan--call me a homophobe--but I found something absulutely brilliant in his 3/11: Europe's Second Munich? post (via Robert Spencer's Dhimmi Watch):
There is a fascinating and perverse historical analogy here. What we may be witnessing is the 1930s in a strange reversal. In the 1930s, the Euro-fascists - like today's Islamo-fascists - were also a movement of connected cells and organizations across various countries who used terror and street violence and murderous intimidation to weaken democracies into surrender. Eerily enough, Spain was a fore-runner there of dangerous trends to come. Italy was next. And in order to succeed, the movement needed a wedge between the United States and democratic Europe. In an odd reversal, America in the 1930s was isolationist, unwilling to intervene as gathering threats grew in Europe, threats that built on the use of violence, anti-Semitism and thuggery to intimidate weak governments and terrified populations. Today, in a surreal inversion, however, it's Europe that is isolationist, believing that somehow the cauldron of the Middle East will not boil over into the Europeans' backyard, if only they can take cover, look the other way, and salve their worries with insistent criticisms of the crude Americans.
I've read Shire's Rise and Fall of the Third Reich four times now and I can't believe I missed the obvious. The terror campaign by fascists was very real with massive street fights occuring throughout Europe between Brownshirt groups and Communists. This is brilliant analysis and reminds us of the perilous times we live in.

In these times it might be good to remind Europe what America was doing even as it toyed with neutrality. John F. Kerry might take note of the following speech by FDR to a joint session of Congress May 16, 1940. I have taken the liberty of editing it. My own comments should be obvious.
These are ominous days-days whose swift and shocking developments force every neutral nation to look to its defenses in the light of new factors.[Note to France, Germany, Spain: This means you] The brutal force of modern offensive war [or modern nihilist terrorsm ] has been loosed in all its horror. New powers of destruction, incredibly swift and deadly, have been developed; and those who wield them are ruthless and daring. No old defense is so strong that it requires no further strengthening and no attack is so unlikely or impossible that it may be ignored.

Let us examine, without self-deception, the dangers which confront us. Let us measure our strength and our defense without self-delusion

The clear fact is that the American people must recast their thinking about national protection. [This is why Newt Gingrich calls FDR the greatest President of the 20th century. Will modern Dhimmicrats heed Roosevelt's warnings? ]...

We have seen the treacherous use of the "fifth column" by which persons supposed to be peaceful visitors were actually a part of an enemy unit of occupation. [Oh my G*D! History does repeat itself! ]

Lightning attacks, capable of destroying airplane factories and ammunition works hundreds of miles behind the lines, are a part of the new technique of modern war. [and terrorism ]

The element of surprise which has ever been an important tactic in warfare has become the more dangerous because of the amazing speed with which modern equipment can recall and attack the enemy's country...

The Atlantic and Pacific oceans were reasonably adequate defensive barriers when fleets under sail could move at an average speed of five miles an hour. Even in those days by a sudden foray it was possible for an opponent actually to burn our national Capitol. Later, the oceans still gave strength to our defense when fleets and convoys propelled by steam could sail the oceans at fifteen or twenty miles an hour. But the new element-air navigation-steps up the speed of possible attack...[oh crap, how fast are ICBMs? ]

Surely, the developments of the past few weeks have made it clear to all of our citizens that the possibility of attack on vital American zones ought to make it essential that we have the physical, the ready ability to meet those attacks and to prevent them from reaching their objectives. [Hell yeah, FDR in 2004!!]...

[EUroweenies: this next part is for you ] We have had the lesson before us over and over again-nations that were not ready and were unable to get ready found themselves overrun by the enemy. So-called impregnable fortifications no longer exist. A defense which allows an enemy to consolidate his approach without hindrance will lose. A defense which make no effective effort to destroy the lines of supplies and communications [Al Jazeera?] of the enemy will lose...

Loose talking and loose thinking on the part of some may give the false impression that our own American Army and Navy are not first-rate [Col. Hackworth? ], or that money has been wasted on them [Kerry explaining his anti-military hardware votes as "cutting down on government waste"]. Nothing could be further from the truth. In recent years the defensive power of our Army, Navy and Marine Corps has, as you know, been greatly improved [no thanks to you Kerry, you asswipe--the Stealth Bomber was a "waste"? ]. The Navy is stronger today than at any time in the nation's history. The Army likewise is today at its greatest peace-time strength in all our history. Its equipment in quality and quantity has been greatly increased and improved. The National Guard and the reserve strength of the two Services are better equipped and better prepared than during any other peacetime period...

The ground forces of the Army require the immediate speeding up of last winter's program to procure more equipment of all kinds...It had been planned to spread these requirements over the next two or three years. We should fill them at once. At this time I am asking the Congress immediately to appropriate a large sum of money for four primary purposes: [Wait, did "W" plagiarize this part of the speech? ]

First, to procure the essential equipment of all kinds for a larger and thoroughly rounded-out Army;

Second, to replace or modernize all old Army and Navy equipment with the latest type of equipment; [This means "high tech" for you idiots out there ]

Third, to increase production facilities for everything needed for the Army and Navy for national defense. For it is clear that we require the ability to turn out quickly infinitely greater supplies;

Fourth, to speed up to a twenty-four hour basis all existing Army and Navy contracts, and all new contracts to be awarded. [OH NO! You mean the private sector is going to make a profit on war?!? This proves WWII was a conspiracy by Halliburton just get rich!!]...

[At this point FDR makes a specific appropriations request, then..] These estimates do not, of course, duplicate any item now in the pending War and Navy appropriation bills for the fiscal year 1941. Nor do they include supplemental or deficiency estimates which may become necessary by reason of pending legislation or shortage of funds under existing programs. [Gasp! You mean the President might not know how much all this is going to cost? There may be supplemental requests?!? ].

There are some who say that democracy cannot cope with the new techniques of Government developed in recent years by some countries-by a few countries which deny the freedoms that we maintain are essential to our democratic way of life. That I reject.

I know that our trained officers and men know more about fighting and the weapons and equipment needed for fighting than any of us laymen; and I have confidence in our officers and men. [Me too brother! ]

I know that to cope with present dangers we must be strong in heart and mind; strong in our faith-strong in the faith in our way of living. I, too, pray for peace-that the ways of aggression and force may be banished from the earth-but I am determined to face the fact realistically that this nation requires also a toughness of moral and physical fibre [ahem, note to Chomsky: you freaking idiot! ]. Those qualities, I am convinced, the American people hold to a high degree [preach it preacher! ].

Our task is plain. The road we must take is clearly indicated. Our defenses must be invulnerable, our security absolute. But our defense as it was yesterday, or even as it is today, does not provide security against potential developments and dangers of the future. [Bouyah! ]

Defense cannot be static. Defense must grow and change from day to day. Defense must be dynamic and flexible, an expression of the vital forces of the nation and of its resolute will to meet whatever challenge the future may hold [Rumsfied wannabe? ] For these reasons, I need hardly assure you that after the adjournment of this session of the Congress, I will not hesitate to call the Congress into special session if at any time the situation of the national defense requires it. The Congress and the Chief Executive constitute a team where the defense of the land is concerned. [um, or it might have once upon a time... ]

[Lefties, pacifists, multiculturalists, and atheists may get uncomfortable reading this next little bit ]
Our ideal, yours and mine, the ideal of every man, woman and child in the country-our objective is still peace-peace at home and peace abroad. Nevertheless, we stand ready not only to spend millions for defense but to give our service and even our lives for the maintenance of our American liberties.

Our security is not a matter of weapons alone. The arm that wields them must be strong, the eye that guides them clear, the will that directs them indomitable.

These are the characteristics of a free people, a people devoted to the institutions they themselves have built, a people willing to defend a way of life that is precious to them all, a people who put their faith in God.
Amen FDR. A-freakin-men!

Jawa Bazaar

Kate, from Small Dead Animals has been put on Blog Trial by the Commissar. Normally I don't support such Commie propoganda, but hey, I'm one of the lead prosecutors!

Since I take Kate to task for "the audacity to point out that many Canadians die each year due to government rationing of health care" in the afforementiond Blog Trial, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Misha makes the same mistake here. Never question the party line on nationalized health care! (Note to Misha: The Politburo is watching your anti-revolutionary activities!)

Allah also has some good news: Noam Chomsky endorses Kerry. Why do I have the feeling that Nader is seriously pissed right now?

Also, might I suggest reading my latest rant "Acting Under Conditions of Uncertainty"? Its pretty freakin' long, but I think it might be worth the read. Feel free to print it up and pass it along to all of your idiot friends who are concerned that Bush "lied about weapons of mass destruction."

When is a racist not a racist: when he's a vato

Noted pretender to the Imperial throne (and Rusty Shackleford endorsed candidate for President) Michael Cooper has a great post about MEChA, and he's 100% correct when he claims that:
By far, the most racist hate group in America today is called "Mecha."
Where we will have to disagree is this:
Mecha is not only racist, it's a bigger threat to America than al-Qaida.
I'm going to just have to take you to task on that one man. MEChA is a threat, but it certainly isn't a bigger threat than al-Qaida. The vatos in MEChA are a bunch of whiny pissants with dreams of greatness, but last time I checked their cajones were not quite as big as their loud-mouths. I agree with Victor Davis Hanson that they are a bunch of chauvinists, but being a fascist piece of scum is nothing new in the US. The far greater threat, it seems, is the way Cooper correctly identifies the media pass given to these pieces of human excriment. The media seems far more concerned with a couple dozen asshats holed up in a compound in Idaho, than the thousands that belong to of officially recognized college organizations clamoring for La Raza (the race). I wonder if these colleges would also let a KKK chapter open offices on their campuses?

Monday, March 22, 2004

Acting Under Conditions of Uncertainty

And now, back to our regular programming......hmm, on second thought, this is a little different than our usual farce.

Since one of my students told me that a lecture I gave right before Spring Break on making decisions in the face of uncertainty was the best he ever heard, I thought I'd share it with you. Especially after reading confirmed idiotarian Jimmy Carter's truly stupid statement that:
President Bush and Prime Minister Blair probably knew that many of the allegations were based on uncertain intelligence
(Note to Naval Academy: Revoke Carter's degree in nuclear engineering immdediately!)

If the following analogy isn't obvious, please commit suicide immediately as you are wasting precious oxygen.

Most people work under the false assumption that they either know or don't know something. The truth is that knowledge is not a dichotomous choice-->1) know or 2) don't know. Rather, when we say we "know" something, we really mean that the probability of it being true is very near 100%. Being near 100% is not 100%, though. There is always a chance that we are wrong, even if that chance is 1/1,000,000. So knowledge is a continuum ranging from complete uncertainty to very close to certain.

Another false assumption people work under is that they must only act when they "know" something, not when they are unsure of something. But, since we can never be 100% sure of something we see that this cannot be the case. What you really mean is that you don't want to act until your knowledge of something is close enough to 100% that you feel very confident that you aren't wrong. However, in real life decisions often cannot wait until you are sure of something. For instance, you and I are both pretty freaking pissed about gas prices. We want to pay the lowest price possible, so we shop around a bit until we find a gas station that is lower than the rest. You buy the gas. Now, was the station the lowest price? The truth is that you don't know. It seemed to be the best price based on the information you could gather, but since the gas tank won't wait for you to do a complete canvas of all gas stations you are compelled to act. Even though we all want to act upon complete information in any situation it is simply impossible. Unless you are God, all decisions are made on something less than 100% complete information.

Since ALL decisions are made on something less than complete information, each of us must weigh the consequences of what will happen if we make the wrong decision. Sometimes, being wrong is of little consequences, but other times the consequences can be dire. In statistics when we try to test certain hypothesis we differentiate between the consequences of being wrong as a Type I or Type II error. A Type I error occurs when a null hypothesis is rejected even though it is true. A Type II error occurs when a null hypothesis is accepted, even though it is not true.

So, in the gas tank example we come up with this hypothesis: "The Jawa gas station has the lowest prices." A Type I error would be if you rejected that hypothesis. No, you say, I don't have enough information to confirm that the Jawa gas station has the lowest prices. So, you continue to search for another station. Since you have already determined that you will only buy gas when you find the station with the lowest price you eventually run out of gas. Oops, you were wrong, the Jawa gas station had the lowest price and now its too late to go back and fill up.

A Type II error would occur if you went ahead an bought the gas, but then you go down the block only to find that the Unibrow gas station sold gas for 10 cents a gallon lower. Oops, you acted as if your hypothesis was correct but it turned out you were wrong.

In statistics we always treat the Type II error as if it was the worse one, but this is only because in science we don't want to announce a new and significant breakthrough before being pretty close to certain that we're right (remember the announcement that cold fusion had been discovered, oops). In real life we must calculate the costs of either type of error being wrong and then decide which is costlier. In our gas example, clearly the greater cost is associated with not buying gas than is the risk of finding out you hadn't paid the lowest price possible.

Humans make these error calculations on a daily basis, but most of the time we're not aware of what were doing. On some basic level we understand that all of our decisions are based on imperfect information, that there are potential hazards in making the wrong decision, and then we make decisions anyway. Can you imagine if in the gas example the person simply opted not to make any decision, but instead just kept their car in the driveway? Somehow, we manage to muddle through life and don't become paralyzed by our imperfect skills at gathering data. The following is an example that illustrates how decisions must be made on the basis of imperfect behavior, and how calculating the risk of a Type I or Type II error is important in making that decision.

In your neighborhood there has been a rash of eggings. You know what an egging is. Thats when some punk drives around the neighborhood and throws eggs at a house. Well, this is starting to piss you and your neighbors off. "What about the children!" cries one lady at the block meeting. So, each of you decides you will try to catch the culprit. Using your children as a network of informants, you send them from house to house looking for large quantities of eggs.

Your immediate suspicion goes to the O'Gara family *cough, cough*. They always make a lot of noise, the father wears wife-beaters, and the kids are a bunch of punk red-heads. You ask your son whether or not he has seen any eggs over at the O'Gara's trailor (yes, and they live in a trailor). No, he hadn't. Of course, he only was able to sneak a peak into their fridge on a couple of occasions and the only thing he had noticed was some Alomo beer and some Armour hot-dogs. He wasn't able to go through the whole fridge and he also reminds you that the eggs used to spoil the neighborhood were probably rotten and might not have been properly stored.

Are the O'Gara's the eggers? No, or at least you won't accuse them simply because they are white trash. If your wrong, and it turns out they are the eggers you or someone in the neighborhood might get egged tonight. If your right, and they aren't the eggers, then no big loss.

That night you're up late when you noticed that your neighbor's house is getting egged! Who is doing it? Why, its the O'Gara kids. Oops, your initial suspicion has been confirmed. Apparently, the reason stereotypes have such lasting power is that they are usually true. You've committed a Type I error and your neighbor is suffering the consequences.

That does it, you won't make that mistake again. You and your neighbors confront Mr. O'Gara with the new evidence. He's appalled! He'll stop the kids from egging in the future and by the sounds of the kids getting beat that night, you assume he will stop the behavior. Unfortunately, the eggings continue. They are more sporadic now, but the smell of rotting eggs still tortures the block.

As block captain you go to Mr. O'Gara and confront him. He claims its not his kids, it can't be his kids, he hasn't bought eggs since the day his brats were caught and he sent them to County General. Can you come in and see the fridge, just to be certain? Nope. Mr O'Gara claims the house is a mess and anyhow it wasn't his kids. What should you do?

Well, now you are confronted with a choice. You must act. If you accuse the O'Gara kids to the cops and it turns out they were innocent, you are afraid Mr. O'Gara might go ape on you. If you accuse the O'Gara kids and they are guilty, then everyone is happy. But, if you don't accuse them-even though you believe they are probably guilty-and it turns out to be the same Irish brats causing havoc, then you are at risk of getting egged.

You choose to not accuse the kids. Better to get egged than get punched in the face. Then it happens. You had no idea the kind of damage eggs can cause to paint until it happens to your house that night. It literally ruins all the paint it touches. Its not just the house, its the car. Your car's paint is ruined! It will cost you thousands of dollars! Maybe getting punched in the face would not have been as bad as getting egged? At least your face will heal pretty fast, but the car and the house will take quite awhile to repair.

That's it. You go to the cops and accuse the kids. The cops call on a "mediator" to resolve the dispute. The mediator works out a deal. The O'Garas will let you enter their house and check to see if there is anything in the refridgerator if you promise not to have their kids put in juvie. Ok, you agree.

The first day you walk in and see this in the fridge:
What the freak! They still have eggs in the fridge. Yes, but the eggs are only for home consumption claims Mr. O'Gara. They won't be used on you.

Nope, not good enough, you want them gone. Ok, he agrees to get rid of the eggs. For the next few weeks you go over to his house and don't find any eggs. After awhile he gets miffed at you coming around and starts complaining around the neighborhood. "Really," he says, "this man is quite obsessive. He keeps coming in to my house and searching for eggs disturbing my family. Its even effecting my pest-control business and I'm losing money. It has to stop!" Some of your neighbors are sympathetic. Of course, these neighbors were the ones who never got egged and so don't really know what a hassle it is.

The decision must be made. Should you trust that he has no eggs and let him continue life as if nothing had ever happened or should you continue to bother his family and intrude on his privacy? Either way you run the risk of being wrong. If you stop the inspections, he could begin to buy eggs and thus the egging *may* begin again. If you continue the inspections, though, you could eventually ruin his business and force him into poverty, even though he *may* never buy eggs again or if he does his kids *may* never take up their egging hobby again.

Well, as long as your block captain you are in charge, dangit. You continue searching his house for eggs. Just as the neighborhood is about to turn on you and force you to resign your position out of sympathy you discover something of great importance:

When confronted at the next block meeting, though, Mr. O'Gara denies it. He admits he has a carton, but he uses that for his rock collection. As proof he brings this to the meeting:

Well, you didn't actually look in the egg carton did you? No. So it could be that you simply saw the rock collection, right? Yes. But given the family history you want to play it on the safe side. You insist on continuing the inspections. You go back to the house and search some more. Days go by. The neighborhood is getting antsy, they want you to stop. You don't, though, convinced that he still has eggs and that if your inspections stop his kids will begin to use them again.

One day, while looking under a stack of High Society you find this:

Aha! Proof that he was lying all along. But O'Gara refuses to let you open the carton. Its the rock collection and nobody is going to look at them! But, its too light to be rocks, you say. Ok, its not rocks, O'Gara retorts, but it contains *ahem* precious bodily fluids so he doesn't want you to see *ahem* it. Your first reaction is *sick*, but you also realize you want to see because he could be lying. You insist on opening the box. He refuses. You call in the mediator and the cops. Finally, he is forced to open the carton. Here is what you see:

You were vindicated! But he claims that he forgot about these eggs. He had been wondering where the smell was coming from, thanks for finding them. He puts them in the garbage disposal as the whole neighborhood watches. He swears that is the last of them. Will you please, he urges, stop showing up to his trailor. His business is just about in ruins and then he will be forced, along with his innocent wife and daughters, to move out of the neighborhood and go on "the welfare". A few on the block think he has turned over a new leaf, but most of the others say the inspections should continue in light of the fact that he had lied before. As far as the majority of the block is concerned, he has always had eggs.

In spite of a concerted effort on his part to show the suffering of his family, you continue to show up at his house. Everyone agrees that he still has eggs, but many think the inspections are a little over the top. Maybe, they say, the risk of his kids throwing the eggs at a house has been diminished. So what if he has eggs, they certainly wouldn't use them after all the suffering they have gone through. For weeks there is no evidence that he has eggs, until one day this shows up:

Mr. O'Gara, again, claims that it is his rock collection. In fact, he's done with you dropping by the house. He refuses to let you in. Now, you've seen the box but are not allowed to look inside. What is in the box? Is it eggs? Is it his rock collection?

You are at a decision point. You do not know for 100% certainty what is in the box. O'Gara will not let you look inside, but you must make a decision based on incomplete information. You can either assume that he has the eggs or that he doesn't, but in each case you can't know if you are correct. Either way, there are certain consequences if you make an assumption and it turns out you are wrong. Its also possible you make an assumption and your assumption turns out to be correct.

1) Assume he has the eggs. You press charges. The police come and find the carton is full of eggs. The kids go to juvie and life in the neighborhood gets back to normal. O'Gara goes out of business and moves.

2) Assume he has no eggs. You don't press charges. The inspections stop and life in the neighborhood gets back to normal. O'Gara gives you stern looks every day.

3) Assume he has the eggs. You press charges. The police come and find the carton has rocks in it. You look like a jack-ass. No-one blames O'Gara for punching you in the nose. You heal.

4) Assume he has no eggs. You don't press charges. The inspections stop and life in the neighborhood gets back to normal. You get egged. O'Gara winks at you as he passes by in his U-HAUL. He is moving.

What do you do? There is a chance that O'Gara has no eggs in the carton, but given past experience it seems like a fairly low probability that this is the case. It is much more likely that there are eggs in the carton, you believe. If you are wrong, and it turns out that there were no eggs in the basket, then the worst that could happen is that you get punched in the face. Which is worse, getting punched in the face once or getting egged? It is your call, you must decide.

You press charges. The cops come and find the egg crate. Here it is:

Oh, snap. No eggs! Even though in most people's estimation he still had eggs, there always existed the slim chance that he was actually (finally) telling the truth. Because there was no way of knowing for sure, you had to act in the face of some amount of uncertainty.

Did you do the right thing? The answer to this of course is purely subjective. It always depends on what the risk is of making a Type I or Type II error. Which is worse, getting punched in the face or having your house egged? Some may fear a bruise on the face, but others will fear the egging.

Of course, in real life the consequences of making an error can be either more or less severe. The consequences of being wrong about the lowest gas prices are pretty minor. However, when designing the O rings for the Space Shuttle, it was once thought that 1/10,000 chance of failure was acceptable risk. Then Challenger happend. D'OH! Are we sure that O rings will never fail again? NO! Today's O rings still have a risk of failure but the chances are more like 1/1,000,000. We design them better because the consequences of being wrong about their safety, it turns out, are too dire in our estimation.

It is the consequences of being wrong that determine our willingness to act. Imagine, if you will, that the eggs were bombs. Suddenly, our calculations of risk change. Getting punched in the face seems even less severe when compared to anhialation.

You cannot know which of your assumptions will turn out to be correct in the future. Fortunately, most of the time we get it right. But since, even when our assumptions turn out to be right, we are still acting without complete information you must weigh the consequences of being wrong in every situation.

After reading that, think about the upcoming Presidential election.

What kind of person do you want making decisions that affect national security under conditions of uncertainty? Do you want someone that will take out terrorist states, even when it turns out we are wrong about their having weapons of mass destruction? Such a decision is costly. Remember, people die in war.

Or do you want someone that will hope for the best, and if it later turns out they were wrong, what then? Oops, sorry Los Angeles. I guess it turns out that those guys actually had a nuclear weapon!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Ongoing Redistribution of Wealth Campaign

It seems our VRWC friends are more gutsy than I had assumed. When I called on all Imperial allies to donate their right click finger to the cause of redistributing wealth from the House of Saud (and their pet Jawas the world over) to bloggers right here in the USA, the response was overwhelming. Props go to Misha, Iowahawk, Michael, Bull, & The Grand Vizier for making it a success. Originally, I had planned for this to be a weekend campaign, but let's keep this thing going. The Bull, over at Irritable Blog Syndrome, has designed a graphic to go along with the campaign. I think its brilliant and will be adding it to my sidebar ASAP. If you would like to support the ongoing campaign, feel free to add the graphic to your sidebar and link it to the original post's permalink. We are still looking for sites that are critical of Islam and/or the Left that run Google ads for these groups. If you haven't heard of the campaign, click on the graphic below to read about our devious plot to take the money from Islamic groups and give it to supporters of the ZOG. The best part, it costs you absolutely nothing!

The Bull described where she got the idea for the graphic in an e-mail she sent to me:
FYI, that is the Khalafah flag which is the unofficial flag of Islam. The flying fist symbol was one that I found looking for Marxist symbols. The circular part is supposed to be the Peace sign, but I couldn't figure out how to include the interior of the image when I cropped the exterior.[LOL-And I could have done any better???] The "No Peace" comes from that line the Alien in "Independence Day" says when the Pres asks if "There can be a Peace".
In related news, our good friends over at anti-com joined forces with some fellow bloggers and readers to form their own anti-anti-war protest in Manhattan over the weekend. My admiration of bloggers keeps growing. We are more than a bunch of blowhards after all. It seems the Emperor's subjects have bigger cajones than I gave them credit. They have a few pics with some links to other bloggers who showed up to the rally.

Last, I have officially been named Michael Cooper's campaign manager for California. My question for Cooper is, if elected, will I get to rule California with an Iron fist? He has already designated Misha shadow governor of Texas and I'm sure I could oppress the masses with equal vigor. Certain neighborhoods in the Bay area might find me especially oppressive. Now let's go out and get this 'tard elected!

Friday, March 19, 2004

Shaking in My Boots

Taliban warns US, Pakistan to stop attacks is the headline at Aljazeera and the Commissar has an exclusive EU response to the threat. (Note to Spain: Can you hear me now?)

Weekend Continuing Redistribution of Wealth Campaign

UPDATE: This one goes in the active archive file. Let's keep the "redistribution of wealth" rolling until the dhimmis or their masters get wind of what we're up to!

3/24 UPDATE: Gnu Hunter joins the campaign.

Sick and tired of the man taking your money and giving it to someone else? Let's fight back! No, I don't mean a tax revolt, I'm talking about a Google ad revolt. Several weeks ago ads for various Muslim groups began appearing in my Blogspot banner. Which was, what is the word? No, not ironic. "Ironical"™. That's the word. Well, apparently they caught on and removed the ads. Well today Aaron the liberal slayer posted this:

I can’t believe THAT came up as a Google ad on MY blog! I clicked on it. That means I made money off them!

Hey… look along the ads on the sides and click on the forces of evil. It gives their money to me.
So, here is my idear. Let's get as many people as possible to go to Aaron's blog in the next few days and click any ads that look like they could be from Islamic groups (they are along the left side of his site). That way we redistribute money from them to us. Since most of these groups are indirectly funded by the Saudi Royal family, you can think of this as a little bit of a return on the hundreds of billions they extort from us each year. Wouldn't it be ironical™ if Aaron celebrated BAG day with a gun purchased with Saudi money?

If any other blogs have these Islamic ads let me know and I'll link you. We want to help redistribute the money to you too! My crusade for today and for this weekend will be to get as many people as possible clicking ads all over the blogosphere. For once, let's do something more than just whine about the Islamic propoganda so much of us hate. We won't bankrupt them, but we should piss some people off!

---->GO CLICK NOW<----

Try refreshing the page if no Islamic ads appear.

PS-The same concept will work for lefty/anti-war/idiotarian sites and I will be happy to link sites with those types of ads too. Click them all, let God sort them out!

UPDATE 3/20: The ads are automatically generated and rotate in and out. If no Islamic ads appear on your first try, go back to his blog later.

Another 3/20 UPDATE:Thanks to the following sites for helping on the campaign! I still haven't found other sites that run the afforementioned Google ads. E-mail me at if you come across a site that runs the ads ASAP.

The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Rambling's Journal
The Grand Vizier
Irritable Blog Syndrome
Aaron's Rantblog
Gnu Hunter

Critical 3/20 update: MY BLOGSPOT BANNER IS NOW ROTATING ISLAMIC ADS AGAIN!! Look on top of page and click the ads. If there is no Islamic ad when you check, come back as the banner ads rotate in and out. I won't earn any money (DOH!!!), but Google will (the parent company of Blogger/Blogspot is Google). In my book a penny taken away from the Islamists and given to a NASDAQ listed company is better than nothing!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

And Speaking of Mini-Truth

BD has an excellent post on how social-commentators play fast and loose with statistics. Apparently Richard (JEW) Perle was on Hardball last night and had a tough time dealing with Mathews as "he pressed him on the results of the new Pew poll which appears to show a rising tide of anti-Americanism in Arab states that are at least nominally allied with the United States." Perle tried to put a positive light on events in the Middle East, and from this, JOSH Marshall concludes that Perle is a habitual liar.

Apparently the meme had made the round to the usual suspects as I suspected it would. The Washington Post headlines the story: "Opinion of U.S. Abroad Is Falling, Survey Finds". Mini-Truth's flagship, the NY Times, has a similar lead: "Poll Finds Hostility Hardening Toward U.S. Policies". Both stories consistently repeat that the US is becoming increasingly unpopular in the world, and particularly in the Middle East.

The problem is that the poll shows exactly the opposite. As BD puts it so well:
The Pew poll (large pdf) shows no such "rising tide of anti-Americanism." Far from it. The poll shows a marked decline since just ten months ago in the "very unfavorable" view of the United States.

Here are the percentages that hold a "very unfavorable" view of the U.S. in the four Muslim countries included in the poll.

Turkey: May 03 - 68%. March 04 - 45%. (Decrease of 23%)
Pakistan: May 03 - 71%. March 04 - 50%. (Decrease of 21%)
Jordan: May 03 - 83%. March 04 - 67%. (Decrease of 16%)
Morocco: May 03 - 46%. March 04 - 46%. (Unchanged)

A decrease is not "a rising tide." Of course, the unfavorable numbers are much higher than we would like. But they are declining. (Two-thirds or more of the people in Jordan and Morocco hold unfavorable views of the United Nations, as well.)

Interestingly, a majority of the respondents in those four countries believe the world would be more dangerous if another country were as powerful as the U.S. In fact, France is the only country in the survey where respondents think the world would be safer if U.S. power were matched by another country.
Note to Commissar: Have BD shot!

Bin Laden Some SOB Surrounded!!!!

Bin Laden Ok somebody, maybe Al Quada's #2, surrounded in Pakistan!!

Heard it on the radio listening to Dennis Prager over the internet. Oh please be true!!!!

Ok, Allah posted at the same time as me. Here it is from Fox.

Communism Sucks

Its spring break so I have way too much time on my hands. I read the Commissar's post this morning and wanted to take him on in a couple of respects. He correctly identifies the fact that it is not easy to lead democracies into war. Its also especially true that a free press makes propogandizing a free people a little more difficult than in Goebbel's Germany.

However, the first problem with his analogy is that the quotes he cites are about leading people into war, not staying in the war once it has started. What he fails to recognize is that once Churchill took power (after Chamberlain stepped down) what we would call a "free press" really ceased to exist. The same thing in the US. It took a long time for the American people to come around, but once in the war the voices of dissent stopped. Why? Because we had state censorship at the time.

This is a critical point, and the reason I started this blog in the first place. During WWII all of the resources of the state were turned to winning the war. This included overt acts of censorship against pro-German or Japanese forces. This also meant saying and doing some things which aren't normally on my "acceptable behavior" list, such as lampoon entire ethnic groups. After 9/11, we refused to do the same thing. Perhaps what really made my grandfather part of the "greatest generation" is that all of the messages beamed at the American public were pro-war, so there was little room for dissent.

I know I'm going to get in trouble with some of you, but we need to understand the difference between the role of a free press before a war and the role of the press in a war. In a democracy, the decision to go to war is a grave one that ought to be made slowly and with deliberation. It is one of the reasons that I absolutely abhor the way this (Iraq II) and other wars (Korea-->Iraq I) have circumvented the Constitutionally required Congressional declaration of war (don't get me wrong, this is a procedural objection...I support the war). But once war is declared then the debate should be over. We are in it to the end. I love the imagery in Tolkein's The Two Towers of the Ents slow deliberations on going to war. We should not be a hasty people, but once we enter the fray then the discussion is over. After a war has started then a free-press must, first and foremost, be directed at winning the war.

Press institutions are national in nature. They reside in a specific country. In a way, the NY Times is a citizen of the US. As a citizen it has an obligation to fight the war. It can't use guns or F-16 fighters, but a war is fought in rhetoric as well as with bullets.

News Roundup, featuring the Religion of Peas

*President of Poland, Aleksander Kwasniewski, officially endorsed JFK today. Unlike the the Easter-only Catholics in Spain, though, he reiterated that Poland will follow Vatican II guidelines and not "pull out" of Iraq until the job is done.

*Our allies in Pakistan have resolved my lingering fears that they were about to do something drastic, like start teaching their kids things like math and science:
Minister for Education Mrs Zubaida Jalal has said that Pakistan is an ideological State and the government is committed to adhere to the principles of Islam
Mrs. Jalal's also reiterated that Pakistan will continue to force children to memorize Q'uranic versus that could be construed to incite violence against non-believers, especially polytheists such as Hindus in India.

*Shirin Ebadi proves once again that Nobel laureates don't know jack squat. Does the term tautology mean anything to any one out there?
Be assured, if someone were assassinated under the name of Islam, there is a misuse of Islam. Any violation done by an individual or a group should not be registered under the name of Islam.
Under her definition, I'm sure these guys were a bunch of infidels: Bahrain Islamists storm restaurant over alcohol

*Apparently Islam is also the successor to Queen Victoria according to former Prime Minister of Malaysia, Mahathir Mohamad, who has hitherto been known only for his hatred of the ZOG:
If you go back to Victorian England, the values are almost the same as what we are preaching as Islamic values.
And before you go asking how this will affect gay marriage, Mahathir continues:
But today you have got away from there, you are very liberal, you accept homosexuality for example
*In Africa, the polio vaccination hysteria continues:
Sheik Aminuddeen Abu bakar... said "we were all convinced that suspension of the vaccination was taken in the best interest of the people."
*In good news, Allah reports that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is in custody in Iran. Even though Allah is all-knowing, I remain skeptical.

Saudis End Crackdown on Illegal Aliens, Pat Buchanan Outraged

The Saudi government announced today that it would temporarily suspend its efforts to oust illegal immigrants at domestic tourist agencies. In response, Pat Buchanan issued the following statement:
I'm outraged. This is just another example of the Saudi government giving in to the demands of Vicente Fox.
The Mexican consulate in Riyadh responded to Mr. Buchanen's remarks by calling on the Royal family to immediately begin issuing drivers licenses to all Mexican nationals. Needless to say, women would be exempt from the proposed program.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Spain Bombs Baghdad Hotel, ETA Implicated

Breaking News! Mypetjawa Exclusive!
Dateline: Mos Iraq

In a stunning blow to Imperial forces, a large car bomb has exploded in a downtown Mos Baghdad hotel. Our Imperial spy network reports that at least 27 have been killed, most of them innocent Jawas with ties to the occupation government. The death toll is expected to rise.

Stunned governments around the world sent their sympathies to the victims.

The Rebel Alliance quickly and unanimously voted to condemn ETA.

In a mypetjawa exclusive Sith Master and Imperial Undersecretary for Domestic Propaganda, Dr. Rusty Shackleford, interviewed Spain.
RS: If you could say anything to innocent Jawas in Mos Iraq, what would it be?

Spain: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

RS: Er, ok. Are you saying that the Iraqis deserved to die?

Spain: Si. Al Qaida recently killed many in Spain. Why? Because of the war in Iraq. So, now they came after Iraqis. you say? Karma.

RS: Um. But aren't you a Catholic country? You don't really believe in Karma?

Spain: Karma. Si. Its Islam, no?

RS: No, I believe that would be Hinduism and maybe some New-Age religions.

Spain: Oh. Ok. Well, Spain is a secular country. This means I usually don't believe in God at all, but sometimes I believe in religions as long as it is not Christianity. Christianity to too bourgeois. But I am seriously thinking of converting to Islam. Islam will let me drink shots of cheap wine from the belly button of a 17 year old girl at an all night rave in Ibiza. Si?

RS: Um, no. Let's move along. What would you say to those who would tie today's attack to the results of elections in Spain Sunday? That Spain is responsible, indirectly, to the upsurge in terrorist activity in Mos Iraq?

Spain: No! It is the Emperor's fault for putting troops in Iraq in the first place. If he had not lied about weapons of mass destruction, no one would be dying in Iraq.

RS: I see.

Spain: Ok, so the Tusken Raiders threatened to bomb me if I did not pull out of Mos Iraq. Si? Ok, so I did not pull out. Si? Ok, so they bombed me. Si? Ok, so I changed my mind and will now pull out. Si?

RS: Yes, exactly my point. The radical Jawas now believe that terrorism works, and they would be right. This has emboldened them to commit a new round of attacks that will continue to escalate.

Spain: No, you just don't get it. The Emperor's tactics are all wrong. Every time you bomb them they bomb you back. This is what we in the Rebel Alliance, (you know, I just joined them don't you?), call the "cycle of violence."

RS: Then what is the best tactic for responding for terrorism.

Spain: Isn't it obvious? Give in to the demands of terrorists and they will stop.

RS: But won't they then just make more demands.

Spain: Of course not. The average Jawa is a moderate. Si? He just has a few simple demands, like get the Jews out of their territory and such. Si? Remember, I perfected that centuries before Muslims ever did. Once the Palestinian question has been resolved all will be well in the world.

Spain: Hold on a second. I have just been handed this note. I have been instructed to read the following statement: "There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his Prophet." There, see, that wasn't so difficult? Now excuse me. I'm off to Ibiza.
End Story

It has begun.

Spain is directly responsible for today's attack. Let us hope and pray that the Spanish reconsider their stance on appeasement.

International Day of Mourning Declared: UPDATED

Links keep trickling in. New links are last. Post can be found HERE.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Today is Rachel Corrie Remembrance Day

Anti-Idiotarians and fellow-travellers are required to pause for a moment of silence on the anniversary of her untimely and tragic death.....*snicker*......Now that were all laughing, head over to KGB Headquarters where yours truly, the Commissar, Serenity, and The Bull have indicted Laughing Wolf for his utter lack sensitivity to Rachel Corrie's memory!
Update: Aaron has dedicated a pancake breakfast to her memory, while Diogenes mourns with a gaytraditional Wizard of Oz showing and Gen. Jack D. Ripper confesses that Rachel was after his "precious bodily fluids". Meanwhile, Pseudopsalms suggests "sending a pizza" to the IDF as they have a "firework show" to mark the occasion. Hawaiins celebrate in their own odd way and the Amish refuse to celebrate for religious reasons, but I decided to link their classic anyway. I was a "Boy Scout" after all.
Another Update: Misha "recounts" the tearful events of the day while fotoslop took my advice and whipped up a special foto to help you visualize the event.

Monday, March 15, 2004

International Day of Mourning Declared: UPDATED

3/19 Yup, still more signers of the petition.

3/17 Update: The requests to sign the pettition keep coming in. New links are last.

3/16 Update: Thank you to all who have responded to my outrage. I had no idea so many shared my views on the subject. I wrote this post without checking what others were saying and believed I was going out on a limb in my dire predictions. Was I wrong or what? It seems that common sense does not solely reside within the confines of my two ears after all. Ironbear has suggested that a master list be put together of blog responses to the Spanish election and how it affects the overall War on Terror. Since I do have a JOB which requires a little effort now and then (fascist capitalism), I don't know who all shares my opinion of the events (although even the leftwing mainstream press seems to be catching on). Please let me know if you have posted on the subject and I will add you to the list.

The Post: Yesterday was the worst day since 9/11. Al Qaida has finally succeeded in influencing a domestic election. This does not bode well for the United States. I am so freaking pissed at the Spanish people right now I don't know how to string my thoughts together in a coherent way. I am literally shaking I am so pissed. Those gazpacho eating surrender monkeys llamas have signed the death warrant for thousands. The gist is this: Al Qaida will see what it has wrought in Spain and begin a new wave of massive attacks in Europe, and as the election approaches, on our own soil.

Today is a day of mourning

Why should we mourn? Because the elections in Spain will mean thousands of more dead in Iraq.

Why should we mourn? Because Poland, Lithuania, Italy, and all other allied European forces will be next.

Why should we mourn? Because U.S. soldiers will increasingly come under fire.

Why should we mourn? Because liberal Iraqis will find themselves under increasing attacks.

Why should we mourn? Because the Taliban will be re-invigorated.

Why should we mourn? Because another 9/11 will happen sometime near the Presidential election.

Why should we mourn? Because jihadis the world over will see this as evidence that their tactics work.

Today is truly a sad day. I call on all allies of common sense to mourn with me the enormous loss of life that is surely to follow. The Spanish people are directly responsible for all that will surely die in the coming months. Please join with me in condemning their horrifying actions.

Help my campaign to condemn Spain and mourn the dead and I will link you. (Send e-mail or trackback)

Update: Petition signed by
Victor Davis Hanson (VDH's post: Blame Whom? he actually e-mailed me!! yes, I have a hetero man crush on VDH)

Dhimmi Watch (Robert Spencer's post: Today is a day of mourning keep on fighting!)

The Politburo Diktat (Commissar's post: What Spain will look like in 2030! Awesome!)

Aaron's Rantblog (Aaron's post: Llamas for Osama Don't miss this one! Aaron has an awesome logo to commemorate the day)

Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler (Misha's post: We mourn... a tear for the dhimmis in Spain)

Irritable Blog Syndrome (Bull's post: Infanticide very late term abortion for Iraqi democracy) (Vic's post: A DAY OF MOURNING democracy doesn't always work )

The Mud, The Blood, & The Beer (Matt's post: The Message from Madrid RIP pax EU)

War Room Bunker (Gen. Jack D. Ripper's post: I promised myself I wouldn't cry war wounded remembered)

Grand Vizier (Grand Vizier's post: Spain to Jihadis: "Eat us Last!" Osama to Spain: I'll be back)

Techno Geek (Radar Rider's post: Shared Grief let us not retreat)

Cecile Dubois (Cecile's post: Spain has capitulated its future socialist suicide)

Mind of Mog (Mog's post: Appeasement Surrender Kerry peace in our time)

Synapse Activity (Michael's post: Must Read Folks kind words)

Nothing to See Here (BD's post: Dark future? brace yourselves)

Cooper for President (Cooper's post: The New Prime Minister of Spain is a transvestite)

Who Tends the Fires (Ironbear's post: Does biased News have unSoundbites? mourning links galore)

Anticipatory Retaliation (BRD's post: International Day of Dammit! You Ought To Know Better two eulogies)

Stan-istan (Stan's post: No, No, its not "Spain," its "An-da-loo-sia" rage follows mourning)

Sister Sue (Sue's post: Those who do not study history are destined...)

Friday, March 12, 2004

Don't mess with Gandhi!

The NY Times reports that Europeans are "furious" over yesterday's bombings in Spain. Today thousands of protesters took to the streets. How do you respond to those that want to utterly destroy you? Said one protester
It's a nonviolent protest against all types of violence, to show that we are all united, that we are all here and that you can't mess with us
Hear that terrorists, "don't mess with us" or else we'll have a peaceful protest against "all types of violence." That'll make them shake in their boots. Is this a wise course of action? What Would Gandhi Do?

Gandhi jokes about that whole "non-violence thing"

Responding from somewhere along the edges of Nirvana, the karmic spirit of Mohatma Gandhi was kind enough to respond to our inquiries via our in-house medium, John Edward.
Non-violence? Dude, are you still harping on that! Man, was I wrong about that one or what? No, I would freaking nuke the bastards. Like, those asshats are really going to respect ahimsa and all that bullcrap? Come-on, grow up!
Martin Luther King, Jr. was unavailable for comment from the 8th level of hell.

Note to Commissar: Party meme will begin with, "We must not answer acts of terrorism with our own acts of terrorism like the criminal Bushites."

"Death Smoke Squad" Attacks Spain, Big Tobacco blamed

Dateline: Mos Andalucia

Citizens of this quiet, cultured, Province were stunned today when a new band of Tusken Raiders simultaneously attacked the regions Imperial Mob Landspeeder Transit Authority. The death toll could claim over 200 innocent civillians by days end.

Who was behind the attack? In a dated letter to a Rebel Alliance newspaper, with noted Jawa sympathies, a new radical offshoot of the Tusken Raider Alliance, the "Death Smoke Squad", claimed responsibility. The AMA, CDC, and Imperial Trial Lawyers Association condemned the attack as further evidence of the growing influence of big Tobacco's influence on the Empire's foreign policy.

Jawa Victim of Big Tobacco Aggression

In an ominous sign of further attacks, the "Death Smoke Squad" warned
Stop targeting us [Jawas], release our prisoners, and leave our land [Tattooine], we will stop attacking you. The people of [Imperial] allied countries have to put pressure on their governments to immediately end their alliance with the [Emperor] in the war against terror (Islam). If you persist we will also continue… We want to tell you that the Death Smoke squad will reach you soon, and then you will see your dead in their thousands – God willing… This is a warning…
Who are the "Death Smoke Squad"? In an exclusive mypetjawa interview, retired Imperial Stormptrooper Col. David Hackworth explained the link between Big Tobacco, the Tusken Raiders, and Emperor Palpatine's failed foreign policy
Clearly this attack can be traced to the offices of Lord Vader. As Big Tobacco loses its share of the domestic market, how does the Emperor respond? By invading Mos Iraq. Clearly this was a war to find new markets for an evil product. It is well known that Vice Emperor Vader has extensive ties to Big Tobacco and served on the board of "Menthol Kool" before assuming his present position. After forcing millions of innocent Jawas to become addicted to cigarrettes, what kind of response should we expect? They see our failed aggression as a war against their religion and agains their kids. The Death Smoke Squad just wants us to leave Mos Iraq so their children will grow up tobacco free.
In response to the call for a smoke-free Mos Iraq, thousands of young Andalucians took to the street in an effort to dissuade the Death Smoke Squad from further attacks by convincing them that Mos Espana is not involved in evils of tobacco.

Students with cocaine on their hands protest yesterday's terror attacks

"We have nothing to do with tobacco," said one student leader. "As Spanish speakers it should be obvious that we only have one vice: coke-aye-een [sic]. It is only Lord Vader's lackey Imperial Governor, Aznar, who supports this crusade to expand the tobacco market. Now excuse me while I go do some blow."

In response to these outrageous accusations, the leaders of the Big Five tobacco companies issued the following joint statement
There is no scientific evidence linking smoking to terrorism. However, we will be glad to settle any lawsuits with the victims if they promise to let us continue selling our wonderful product.
Saying that the companies did not go far enough, the Imperial Senate unanimously approved a resolution condemning tobacco as the "root cause of terrorism."

Imperial Ministry of State officials were unavailable for official comment, but one anonymous high ranking White House Death Star official made the following comment.
Blame anything, we don't care. Just never blame the Religion of Peas. Ever. Because that would be bad, mmmm-kay.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Rusty Shackleford Named Lead Prosecutor

The truth be known, I spent a year studying "Scientific Socialism" in Russia (not a joke). Know thy enemy. Hence this site and other non-pc activities began when I suddenly realized who the new enemy was after 9/11.

So, when The Commissar asked me to get involved in the show-trial of the counter-revolutionaries over at Who Tends the Fires, what could I say?

------------------->Read the Denunciation!<---------------------

PS-Ironbear: Trotsky also thought he was safe from our power after his trial en abstentia... ;-)


And the force is strong in this one!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Manifesto for my kids

Today I find out if my wife, Nancy Gribble Shackleford, will have a boy or girl. We go in for the ultrasound later this afternoon. I guess at times like these you pause to reflect on what kind of world you want your kids to grow up in.

I want them to marry someone of our faith.

I don't want them to be "tolerant" of other races, I want them to embrace all mankind as equal.

I want them to be politically active and share my sense of pride in our country's liberties.

I want my sons to respect the dignity of womanhood.

I want my daughters to feel that they are full citizens and equal in all respects.

I want them to obey the law.

I don't want my kids drinking.

I want them to be healthy.

I want them to respect animals.

I want them to have financial security.

I want them to be educated.

I want them to be well read.

I don't want them embracing man's tendency to do bad things, but I want them to tolerate those that err.

In sum, I want them to be good. But I know they can only be good if they have a choice. There is no good or ill without choice. Only slavery.

Update: For those of you not endowed with the Shackleford brilliance gene, this post is about why Sharia is bad, mmmmkay.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Religion of Peas Expells Patriotic Jawas

What do you have to do to get a fatwa laid on your ass? Apparently, just sing the Indian national anthem.

No real time for MY OWN blog today. My Commie boss had me slaving over some homework. I hope your happy comrade!!

VDH Goes Nukular!

Yes, Victor Davis Hanson now has a blog! Thank you Jeebus. For more on Rusty's opinion of this dark Sith Lord go here. (Imperial Salute to Aaron for the tip)